


New Year, New Man (or: How Bruce Banner Broke his New Year's Resolution in Record Time)

by ellewrites



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bruce has no time for anyone’s shit, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Minor Angst, Only One Bed, Pining, Slow Burn, but it’s pretty mild, except Tony’s of course, for me anyway, in keeping with the Hallmark theme here, major fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:01:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21776452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellewrites/pseuds/ellewrites
Summary: Against his better judgment, Bruce agrees to go to Tony's ex-girlfriend's wedding as his date. Not because he'd had a crush on him for years – no. But because he couldn't deny those big, brown eyes. Little did he know however that he was signing himself up for the most romantic weekend of his life. With a man who clearly didn't love him and never would – no matter how much Bruce wished otherwise.Will he be able to survive the weekend and make it to the new year with his pride and his long-held secret intact? Bruce doesn't know – but he sure as hell's gonna try.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/James "Rhodey" Rhodes
Comments: 8
Kudos: 165
Collections: Great stories, MHEA Holiday Movie Challenge 2019





	New Year, New Man (or: How Bruce Banner Broke his New Year's Resolution in Record Time)

**Author's Note:**

> I almost never write a one-shot like this but every once and a while that one-long-ass-novella gets me.
> 
> Huuuuuge thank you to Sally for beta'ing this for me! <3 As well as helping me come up with the title. Completely invaluable on this one. For real. ♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱

“I don’t know what I’m going to do."

Bruce frowned at his long-time crush and good friend Tony Stark as he watched the beer tilt back and forth in his glass, looking particularly forlorn for the Friday before Christmas. Tony was many, many things – beyond generous, painfully attractive, incredibly intelligent, wicked funny and unbelievably fun to be around – but reasonable he was not. Over time Bruce had learned that most of the problems Tony had weren’t really problems at all – because he could solve _actual_ problems with great ease, barely noticing that they’d be mountainous stumbling blocks to other people. But for some reason beyond Bruce’s ability to ascertain, certain social situations got the best of him and the idea of going to his best friend’s wedding without a date? Insurmountable.

It was frustrating as hell. And stupidly adorable – though Bruce was loath to admit it. It was just one of those things about having a long-standing crush – he was simply exhausted by it. If only his faithful heart could find someone else, preferably someone _actually_ interested in him, so that he could stop pining away over how adorable Tony was even when he was being an unmitigated disaster.

“You know,” Bruce said slowly with a sly smile, sliding his beer nearer to himself, “you _could_ go _without_ a date."

Tony sighed a long huffy sigh, rolling across the bar pathetically as Bruce tried not to laugh.

“I can’t go _without_ a date, Bruce,” he whined, drawing out his name in a particularly plaintive way. “ _Everyone_ is going to _be_ there. This is the _worst_ time for a dry spell."

“And who is ‘everyone’ exactly?"

“Everyone I went to high school with, at least."

Bruce blinked in confusion as Tony stared at him, looking both cute and pathetic with his mouth turned down and his big eyes all simpering and his hair slowly wilting over his forehead as his pomade gave up on its battle with gravity.

“I thought you and Rhodey went to college together,” Bruce said, taking a sip of his beer as Tony forced himself to sit up just to push around half a chip still left from their plate of nachos half an hour ago.

“We did."

“So – what am I missing?” Bruce asked, confused as to why his high school classmates would be at Rhodey’s wedding.

Tony made a pathetic gesture and then buried his nose in his glass. If there was one thing that Bruce had learned over the years as his friend, it was that Tony could be particularly wily when it came to admitting things that made him uncomfortable. And there was nothing you could do but straight up ask him about it until he spit it out.

Why did Tony have to be so goddamn cute when he was being pathetic?

“Come on – what? Who did you fuck?” Bruce teased, knowing he’d nailed it by the way Tony’s eyes remained firmly planted on the bar in front of them as he stroked along the waxy finish with his thumb. “It was someone from your high school, right? Someone on Rhodey’s side?"

Tony shook his head dully.

“Well, good – at least you don’t have to stand next to him then,” Bruce continued, far more amused than Tony was. “Someone on the bride’s side, then?"

Tony shook his head and then placed his forehead on the bar miserably.

“Oh Tony,” Bruce said softly, his voice a quiet gasp. “You didn’t!"

Tony remained completely motionless as Bruce was nearly reduced to inaudible laughter.

“The _bride_?"

There was a muffled noise that sounded suspiciously like “guilty” and then Bruce slapped his hand over his mouth laughing. He always told Tony his playboy ways were going to catch up to him, but this was too good. He’d fucked his best friend’s wife-to-be and that was just... That was peak fucking Tony.

“It’s not what you think,” Tony mumbled as he lifted his head from the bar and rubbed at his eyes and out of respect for him, Bruce made a real effort to stop laughing. “It wasn’t like a one night stand or anything stupid. It was – _she_ was – my high school sweetheart."

Tony could barely look at him but Bruce grimaced. Long ago he had learned that if he was going to be Tony’s friend _and_ harbor a ridiculous crush on him, he was just going to have to laugh about his sexual exploits and get over himself. But this – this was something else. There was actual pain in Tony’s eyes and unlike with the flavor of the week, this one hurt him and consequently, it hurt Bruce too.

“We talked about it, you know – me and Rhodey. It was such a fucking fluke like – they met at work? In all of New York fucking City and they both had to work for the same damn company. James had put in his two weeks in fact – she worked in HR. They barely missed each other. When they started dating they didn’t even know..."

Tony sighed. He’d gone back to picking at the chip and then he crushed it under his finger.

“I can’t be mad at Rhodey. She’s... She’s really fantastic. I can totally see how they would make a great couple. And I should be over it anyway, that was like fifteen years ago, but... she was my first love, ya know?"

Bruce swallowed hard and looked away. _Should_ be over it? Yeah, he knew what _that_ was like. And even though Tony was far from his first love, he thought of his first real boyfriend and he knew first loves cut deep. So he understood why Tony was making such a big deal about it and why he didn’t want to go alone. But still.

“That sucks,” Bruce commiserated as Tony sighed and listed back against the bar.

“She was real popular _and_ she’s the type to keep in touch so I’m sure a bunch of people from high school are going to be there and everyone is going to be looking at me because of everything that happened and I just... fuck."

Tony buried his head in his arms on the bar and Bruce frowned. He wanted – well. What he wanted was stupid and selfish and impossible but he wished he could make it better. If there was anything he could do to make it easier, he would have. But Tony didn’t want him, so it didn’t matter. There was nothing he could do.

“Why don’t you just called up Maria or someone, see if she’ll go with you?"

Tony grunted from his hidey-hole on the bar and Bruce rolled his eyes.

“Not as a date or anything, but like, you know, you could go as friends."

Tony lifted his head enough to shoot out, “you can’t plus one to a venue like this with a ‘friend.’ It’s rude."

Bruce frowned. He’d been to only a couple of weddings so maybe Tony was right. Well. He was sure Tony was right. But still. It didn’t seem like that bad of an idea, really. At least not to him.

“Besides,” Tony muttered as he peeked back out and lay his head across his forearms, “I don’t want to show up without a date. That’s the whole point. I don’t want Pep or any of them to know I’m single."

“Don’t you think Rhodey would have told her?"

Tony paused for a second, but that idea was so horrible it sent him face-first back into his self-made cave.

Bruce didn’t know what to do. He racked his brain for other ideas but after a moment he realized Tony was laughing. And that – well. Normally Bruce loved the sound of his laughter, would’ve relished it and let it fill him with warmth, but this time it felt... bad. It felt... ominous.

“You."

“Excuse me?” Bruce asked, confused, as Tony contorted himself back into the seat, resting his jaw in his hand casually, a smarmy smile skipping across his lips.

“You can be my date."

Bruce was pretty sure his brain just blanked completely as the words left those oh-so-kissable lips and he thought he might have to literally reboot himself like a late 90s computer.

“It would be _perfect_ ,” Tony said, his eyes growing more excited with every word that fell out of his mouth. “No one knows you. Rhodey would understand why I was hesitant to tell him, especially if we’d only been dating a month or two."

“Tony...” Bruce pleaded softly, unable to really fight it when every word he said was something Bruce actually _wanted_.

“We’re already close,” Tony continued. “You know more shit about me than almost anyone. I already have a great time with you wherever we are so it won’t even be weird. Say you can forgo lesson planning for one Friday and go with me?"

“Tony,” Bruce tried again, knowing this was literally the _worst_ fucking idea but feeling his resolve crumbling with every second those warm brown eyes were puppy-dogged to him.

“Please, Bruce?” Tony asked, turning towards him fully and placing both hands on Bruce’s knees and looking him straight in the eye with such sincerity Bruce’s breath caught painfully in his throat and for a legitimate moment, he worried he might pass out. “Please say you’ll be my beau?"

“Oh my fucking god,” Bruce groaned, rolling his eyes, but Tony was still there with his hands on his knees staring at him imploringly and what was he _really_ supposed to do? How could he _honestly_ be expected to say no to that? He... he would do anything to make it better. And here Tony was, telling him exactly what to do.

“Don’t make me regret this,” Bruce warned severely – although he knew even before the words left his mouth that he was most definitely going to regret this.

Tony’s whole face lit up like Christmas though and it made Bruce’s heart flop around all stupid in his chest. How anyone could have a crush on one person for two damn years and still feel so ridiculous was beyond him but here he was, still finding ways for Tony to fuck him up.

He slid off the seat and threw his arms around Bruce’s neck and smacked his lips against Bruce’s cheek and yeah – the boner he immediately got made sure he was _already_ regretting this as he pushed Tony away before he made it weird.

“You won’t regret it!” Tony promised immediately, hopping back up into his seat. “We’re going to have so much fun. It’s at a lodge in upstate New York and it’s going to be gorgeous and we’ll go to the spa and we’ll eat good food and we’ll get so, so drunk –"

Tony rambled on but every single word kind of felt like it was spelling out his obituary. Bruce wasn’t sure anyone had died from a crush before but then he figured – there was a first time for everything.

**

Bruce stared at the large, cheery, wooden lodge dressed with a light dusting of snow, surrounded by pine trees swirled in white lights and flanked by forestry as if it were The Stanley Hotel and not the most romantic-looking place he’d ever been. It was cold in upstate New York and his breath was coming out in white puffs, his hands shoved down deep in the pockets of his gray wool coat. It was cold in DC too, but not like this. This was natural and wild and the crisp air hurt his lungs as much as it felt good.

Tony let out a spontaneous shout of laughter next to him and Bruce turned his dark eyes towards the other man. He looked as handsome as ever in his black coat with a deep red cable knit scarf twisted around his neck and tucked inside. The gentle snowfall clung to his coiffed hair and lashes and settled on his shoulders as they approached the staircase. Bruce kind of hated him at that moment.

Still – Bruce was glad to see him smiling after such a rough drive up. He was used to a constant ramble of bullshit from Tony, easily making conversation with him, so he wasn’t expecting the nervous silence that prevailed over the entire trip.

Tony grabbed his arm as they reached the staircase and slipped his hand around it. They were always physical in a way most men weren’t – that’s just how Tony was – and while this was definitely a little more intimate, it also wasn’t particularly out of the norm. But the soft smile Tony gave him made Bruce want to stop and kiss him right there, numb nose and all. Tony wouldn’t even suspect anything if he did it. He had told Bruce an hour out that they were going to have to try to sell it a little and while he was sure Tony didn’t mean actual _kissing_ , well...

Bruce swallowed and shoved the desire down. That would end poorly for everyone.

“This is beautiful,” Tony mused as the rubber soles of his shoes crunched into the snow on the first step. “Rhodey and Pepper are both so classy though, I’m not surprised."

Bruce allowed himself to give in to the urge to pull his hand out of his pocket and place it over Tony’s, patting it gently and cursing his poor circulation as his fingers were numb, too. Tony didn’t even flinch, grinning at him with approval for his participation in the game.

“It’s really nice,” Bruce tried to say as they reached the landing, but it came out thick and he wasn’t sure Tony actually heard him. Not that it really mattered.

The doors were opened for them by a bellhop as they approached and Bruce thanked him as they walked into the vast space inside the lobby. It was hung with chandeliers of deer antlers and there was a giant freestanding fireplace in the center flanked by seating on both sides and a bar beyond that.

“You like it?” Tony murmured and Bruce only nodded absently and took in all the details and the flurry of activity in the lobby as Tony led him to the front desk.

Tony dropped his arm as he checked them in and there was a brief moment where Bruce saw a man he thought he recognized as Rhodey but then the man was rushing towards them across the lobby and he threw his arms around Tony’s neck, dragging him a few feet in his excitement.

“Tones!” he shouted as they wrestled a minute until Tony could get his arms around him and squeeze him tightly.

Bruce gave the receptionist an apologetic smile as he took the keycard from her.

“I can’t believe it’s been six months!” Tony exclaimed when Bruce turned back to see they were still wrapped around one another.

“Way too damn long.” Rhodey’s voice was muffled through Tony’s scarf.

“And now you’re getting married!” Tony’s voice overlapped with Rhodey’s, Rhodey clapping him on the back forcefully before letting him go.

“You just got here?” he asked and Tony nodded.

“Yeah, we just –” he seemed to suddenly remember that he was checking in and he turned back to reception but Bruce motioned him with the keycard to move away from the desk. “Oh! Thanks."

Tony blushed lightly and looked almost shy as Rhodey’s eyes moved between them curiously.

“Hey, um, you know I’ve talked about Bruce?"

“Nice to meet you,” Bruce said easily as Tony was the one stuck stuttering for once, stepping forward and holding his hand out for Rhodey. “I’ve heard only good things."

“Then Tony’s not telling you the right stories,” Rhodey said as he accepted his hand warmly. “I’ll have to correct that."

“I look forward to it,” Bruce grinned, genuinely amused by the prospect of hearing stories about Tony that he didn’t know and which weren’t filtered through Tony’s own self-correcting lens. Tony stood behind Rhodey, looking like he’d rather dig himself in six feet under than let Rhodey expose him that way – fake boyfriend or no.

Bruce hated the little thrill of excitement it gave him. Like they were a real couple. Like it really mattered what embarrassing stories Rhodey told him. Somehow that was even worse than walking in with Tony on his arm.

“I’ll let you guys get settled and eat or whatever – I’m supposed to be meeting my mom right now – but we’re planning on having a drink later if you guys are around."

“Yeah, absolutely,” Tony agreed, looking like he wanted to pull Rhodey into another hug but he restrained himself. “We’ll be around."

Rhodey gave him a clap on the shoulder and waved at Bruce with two fingers before disappearing across the other side of the lodge.

Bruce felt Tony elbow him in the ribs and he turned to see a wide smile on Tony’s face.

“You did so good!” he said and Bruce swallowed it down and tried not to flush at the unprompted praise, shrugging instead of giving him a verbal answer.

They found their way to their room, and instead of noticing how the valet had brought their luggage up or the beautiful woodwork or the fireplace _in_ the room, what Bruce noticed first was the giant king-sized bed decked out with a downy white duvet sitting in the middle of the room and he just couldn’t tear his eyes from it to consider anything else.

“Tony?” he asked softly as Tony began unbuttoning his coat, ignoring him as he launched into a story about Rhodey.

“He’s really one to talk, you know – he looks all straight-arrow, goodie-two-shoes, but in college? He was an absolute hound."

“Tony?” Bruce asked again, staring at the bed as Tony threw his coat over it, trying to imagine any way in which he was going to be able to lay in that big romantic bed amongst all those fluffy pillows with Tony right beside him and not at the _very least_ get a boner the size of Burj Khalifa – never mind what would happen to his poor heart.

“I’m sure he’ll leave out the story where I slept in the hall while he went down on three – not one, not two, but _three_ co-eds. It went on for _hours_. I fell asleep propped against the wall listening to moaning. Thankfully I was too drunk to –"

“ _Tony_ ,” Bruce interrupted more forcefully and Tony finally turned to look at him, free of his outerwear and looking perplexed. “One bed?"

Tony blinked slowly like he couldn’t even conceptualize what the hell Bruce was talking about. Then he started laughing.

“Rhodey booked the room for me ages ago,” he explained with a wave of his hand. “You’re not _really_ telling me that you’re afraid of my cooties are you?"

Bruce huffed, realizing suddenly he did look ridiculous – a grown man whining about having to share a bed with a friend. Come on. Tony’s reply made it clear he couldn’t even conceive of a world in which Bruce might be interested in him in any way that wasn’t strictly platonic.

“No,” he muttered, “but it’s weird because of – _this_."

Tony snorted and giggled at the same time and it was a painfully cute combination that kinda made Bruce want to kick him in the teeth. That was _not_ helping.

“Because you’re my fake boyfriend?” he asked, stepping forward to walk his fingers up Bruce’s arm teasingly.

Bruce pushed Tony’s hand away with a long-suffering sigh. “You’re _my_ fake boyfriend, thank you very much."

“Tony laughed but Bruce wondered if he might be able to borrow Tony’s shovel and dig a grave for himself too.

**

Dinner was really good. Bruce even found himself relaxing after a bottle of wine shared with Tony, the warmth of it suffusing him as their banter normalized again. Maybe Tony was right and this wouldn’t be so bad. It was almost like they were just hanging out. At a romantic lodge, sure, in a room with one bed – but yeah. Just like hanging out.

"Hey you two," Rhodey said, coming up behind Tony and clapping him on the back. "Mind if we cut in?"

Tony looked up at him with a generous grin. But when Rhodey looked over at him there was something on his face that Bruce couldn't read and Bruce felt skeptical over whether they were going to make it through this weekend with their lie intact. Not with Rhodey looking at him like _that_.

"Yeah, sure!" Tony replied, spreading his arms for Rhodey and his fiancee to join the empty seats but Bruce took note of the careful way Tony avoided looking directly at her.

Rhodey pulled out her chair for her, his eyes soft and affectionate as he gazed at her. She was quite beautiful – strawberry blonde with pale skin and freckles across her face and arms. He could see why both men found her attractive. Her generous smile didn’t hurt either. Nor those sharp blue eyes.

“Pepper, this is Bruce,” Rhodey introduced him and he nodded at her. “And I think you already know Tony,” he teased and she blushed a little and glanced askance at her ex but she didn’t seem particularly eager to make eye contact with Tony either – a fact which Bruce also noted curiously. For two people who were high school sweethearts, they sure seemed to have a hang-up about it fifteen years later.

“It’s nice to meet you, Bruce,” she said, her voice warm and as she smiled at him and he smiled back.

“Do you drink Syrah?” he asked, about to offer her the rest of the bottle, but she shook her head and laughed.

“No, I generally find red wine gives me a migraine – especially the darker stuff,” she explained and Bruce brushed it away.

“We’ll order some white when the waiter comes back,” he said but Rhodey broke in, stealing Tony’s glass.

“I do though,” he said and Tony glared across the table at him as he held out his hand for the nearly-empty bottle, which Bruce passed him without a second thought. “Don’t look at me like that – you can share a glass with your boyfriend."

Bruce laughed as Tony bit his lip on whatever he wanted to say.

“You’re not sharing my glass,” Bruce joked, downing the rest of it two large swallows as Tony pouted.

“Good for you,” Pepper laughed as Rhodey poured himself the rest.

“I never should have brought you,” Tony griped and Bruce shot him a very annoyed glance for that.

Bruce knew it for the private joke that it was but he certainly hadn’t been begging to be drug along to this romantic hellscape as Tony’s fake date by any stretch of the imagination. Plus it was a pretty obvious tell that they weren’t actually dating and even worse than being here as not-actually-Tony’s-date would be having to explain why he was there as not-actually-Tony’s-date if someone figured it out. And if someone _was_ going to figure it out it was definitely going to be Rhodey and his all-knowing eyes.

“So you’re having the rehearsal tomorrow then?” Bruce asked, switching topics as deftly as possible before Tony said something more to give them away.

“Yes,” Pepper said, smoothing her skirt beneath the table. “We’ll have the rehearsal at four and then dinner for the participants and their dates at six."

Bruce nodded as he made a mental note of that and Rhodey grinned.

“And we’re absolutely having a New Year’s Eve party after that so pace yourself, my friends."

Tony laughed stage left but Bruce’s heart suddenly seized in his chest. Somehow, someway, he absolutely had never considered that extremely fucking obvious reality. The wedding was on January first. That meant that the night before was New Year’s Eve. And New Year’s Eve meant New Year’s Eve parties. And New Year’s Eve parties meant drinking until midnight then watching the ball drop. And drinking until midnight and watching the ball drop meant...

Fuck. He was so, so, so unbelievably fucked.

The waiter was back after realizing that their table had two more join and Bruce was in such a state of panic he just nodded to whatever Tony asked and hoped that was the appropriate response. His whole head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and he couldn’t hear anything but the rushing of his own terrified blood in his ears.

He was going to have to fucking kiss his long term crush and best friend tomorrow on the _mouth_ like his actual, real-life, hand to God _lover_ or drink himself so sick he had an excuse to hole up in the bathroom for an hour throwing up. There was an obvious choice here but both sounded particularly miserable in particularly different ways at that particular moment.

“Oh yeah, you know, we’d just been friends so long,” Tony was saying as Bruce’s brain slowly came back to him in bits and pieces and he began to recenter himself on the conversation at the table, shoving away all thoughts about Tony’s lips and kissing them until rational thought returned. “I guess I just overlooked him."

Bruce smiled wanly as Rhodey laughed, realizing Tony was talking about ‘them’ and that what he was saying wasn’t actually that far from the truth – at least as far as Bruce saw it. He would make a brilliant boyfriend for Tony – if Tony would ever stop looking over him at literally _any_ other person in the room.

“You wouldn’t be the first person Tony ever friend-zoned,” Rhodey said with a cruel smirk. “And I’m sure you won’t be the last."

“Jesus Christ,” Tony snapped, his face growing red and Bruce forced himself to chuckle despite how much the implication that they wouldn’t last hurt – which was beyond fucking ridiculous since the weren’t even really together.

“We’ll see – our two months might be a record for him,” Bruce forced out with a grin that felt far more natural on his face than it did in his gut.

Tony huffed but shifted his leg under the table so that it kneed Bruce gently. Like that helped in any way, shape, or form. He knew it was meant to be encouraging and appreciative but if it had been real, if they had been a _real_ couple, Bruce would have reached down and put his hand on his thigh. As it was he had to pretend it wasn’t even happening. As if just that simple touch didn’t have him yearning for more.

“Besides,” Bruce continued, feeling something hard and angry in his gut though it came out in a smile that rivaled Rhodey’s in brutality, “it was me who had no interest in him. Don’t let him fool you – _he_ had to convince _me_ that he was serious."

Tony looked over at him, mildly shocked, his mouth falling open then snapping shut and Bruce smiled smugly. It wasn’t very easy to make Tony speechless.

“Well, Tony can be quite good at that,” Pepper murmured as the waiter came back with two bottles of wine and two more glasses and Bruce smirked over at her.

“I know."

“Apparently Rhodey isn’t half bad at it himself,” Tony shot across the table darkly. “I never figured you as one for marriage, Pep."

Pepper made a stricken face and Bruce fought not to let his own face relay his confusion. Instead, he reached over and put his hand over Tony’s in a comforting motion as he grabbed the bottle to pour him another glass. Tony didn’t flinch at the physical contact but Bruce could feel Tony’s hand trembling beneath his own. There was definitely something about this Tony hadn’t told him. Figured.

“Have another glass, hun,” Bruce said, easily taking Tony’s mind off of whatever was happening between him and Pepper with the casual drop of an unprovoked pet-name, “and stop being shitty just because you had a hard week."

Miraculously Tony slumped back in his seat, taking his glass and the hand that had been under Bruce’s with him. It really was a testament to just how much he loved Tony that he somehow pulled that shit off.

“Now,” Bruce said brightly as he turned back to their tablemates, glad he was about to turn the attention away from him again, “tell me how _you_ met."

**

Bruce stared at himself in the bathroom mirror and took a few moments to catch his breath and figure out how he was going to get through tonight without laying there for eight hours with a raging boner like the horny-for-his-bedmate insomniac he was or worse – experiencing a Tony-triggered fucking wet dream... not that there was too much he could really do about _that_ other than pray.

 _Just don’t betray me, subconscious_ , he thought at his reflection. Tony will abso-fucking-lutely never let you live it down.

When he managed to drag himself out of the bathroom he realized a glaring oversight to his pep-talk: Tony, apparently, only slept in his boxers. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing keeping his dick in there but one stupid tiny little button and the fact that he wasn’t actually hard right then. Unlike Bruce as he stared at his friend’s muscular back as he dug for something in his bag. But Bruce was hell bound and determined to ignore it and pretend that if he just acted like it wasn’t happening he wouldn’t get any harder. A tactic that in the past had limited success but he was grasping at straws as he quickly pulled back the sheets.

At least _he_ had the fucking decency to wear actual lounge pants and a whole entire shirt when he was sleeping with another person. Did he want to? No. No, he did not. Despite being a tenured professor at one of the most prestigious universities in the country, not even he was so stuffy as to not sleep in the buff. But there was such a thing as common decency. Just dumb of him to expect Tony had any of it.

Tony found whatever he had been looking for and joined Bruce in bed, quite respectfully very much on his own side, which was both a blessing and an utter disappointment. He wrote for a minute in a moleskine book and then set it on the table by his side of the bed, turning off the lamp before laying down with a sigh.

The physical space between them felt vast and cavernous even though it wasn’t. It was silly because certainly Bruce was not going to breach that space so it should have been better for it to feel like that but – it wasn’t. Though he tried to control himself, Bruce wasn’t strong enough to lie and pretend he’d never considered what it would feel like to have Tony in bed with him, wrapped up in his arms, so close he could just kiss him over and over again and this... wasn’t that. And it was never going to be that. But all those carefully preserved memories of the first painful months of his crush on the other man came back to haunt him in that moment and wow did he ever remember why he’d hidden _those_ away. It fucking hurt.

“Thank you,” Tony said, breaking him from his painful trip down fake-memory lane. “You – you did really good. Better than I expected. I really owe you one."

Bruce licked his lips and turned over to look at him laying on his back with his chest exposed, staring up at the ceiling with soft eyes like he was studying something distant and far away.

“Don’t worry about it,” Bruce said quickly but then paused and swallowed.

That wasn’t what he meant to say. What he wanted to say...

“You were right. We’ve been friends for so long it’s easy."

Well that wasn’t what he’d wanted to say either but it was out there now and the edge of Tony’s lip quirked up in a grin.

“Told ya so,” Tony said as he rolled over on his side too, rolling himself closer unintentionally, a big smile on his face. “No one knows more about me than you."

“Except for maybe Rhodey,” Bruce snipped but his eyes were shining with amusement. “I’m pretty sure the bastard was testing me. I think he’s going to figure it out."

“Nah, Rhodey won’t figure it out,” Tony laughed. “He wants me to be happy too bad to push too hard."

“I don’t know..."

“He gives everyone I date the third degree."

“No wonder they don’t last,” Bruce teased but Tony grinned.

“Yeah, I’m sure my woeful track record is Rhodey’s fault."

Bruce had nothing to say to that though and they lapsed into silence a minute. Tony rolled back over onto his back but Bruce didn’t. Instead, he stared at the gentle slope of Tony’s face in the dark, his long, dark lashes on his cheeks and his perfect, pert little nose, and the way his lips turned so beautifully into his chin and –

Well fuck. That was not helping the boner situation but he also just – if he was only going to get one chance like this, he was going to damn well appreciate it.

“What was that, though?” he said, the words coming out of his mouth completely surprising him and obviously Tony too as his eyes opened and he turned towards him in confusion.

“Huh?"

“With Pepper?” he continued, feeling uncertain, not wanting Tony to get mad but his curiosity was definitely getting the better of him. “You two dated how long ago? I’m surprised you were still so mad."

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony muttered darkly as he turned away completely, facing his back towards Bruce and Bruce knew something was wrong, he just didn’t know how to get Tony to tell him what it was.

“That’s not fair,” Bruce said softly, trying not to let his hurt feelings get the best of him. “You asked for my help. You can’t shut me out on this."

Tony sighed and Bruce thought maybe he wasn’t going to respond at all. But then he said something which absolutely shocked the shit out of Bruce.

“We were supposed to get married."

“What?” Bruce said on his next breath, absolutely overwhelmed by that confession.

“I got her a ring and everything,” he continued, his voice strained. “It wasn’t really great or anything but I promised I’d get her a better one after college – because we had a whole plan where we’d go to the same college together and just... We were supposed to meet the day after graduation and go down to the courthouse two towns over. She’d just turned eighteen a few weeks before that so it was legal and everything but we had to do it in secret because our parents were already pissed about how serious we were and they absolutely would have lost their shit.

“But she must have told them or something, I don’t know. I went out to meet her in the park where we’d agreed to meet and she never showed."

“Oh, Tony,” Bruce whispered.

“I waited all day. I even called but she didn’t answer. I kept thinking maybe something happened. Maybe she wanted a new dress, maybe her parents made her go to lunch or dinner and she’d come along later. The courthouse was closed before I gave up and went home."

He sounded on the verge of tears and Bruce wanted to reach out to him, touch his back, do something to comfort him, but he didn’t know what or how Tony would take it.

“Even worse than that? I literally never talked to her again,” he said and it sounded like his heart was breaking all over again. “She wouldn’t answer any of my calls. I would show up at her house and be told she wasn’t there. All summer I tried to get her to talk to me, to tell me what was wrong. If she wanted to break up with me, why didn’t she just fucking say so instead of leaving me like that? I still don’t know what I did wrong."

Without saying a word, Bruce slid towards his side of the bed.

“This is the first time I’ve seen her since then,” Tony admitted quietly. “I – I wasn’t prepared for how bad it would hurt. It’s stupid, I know, but I’m still hurt over it. I don’t think..."

Whatever he was going to say trailed off and he lost it completely as he sucked in a shaky breath and Bruce settled down behind him.

“You should have told me,” Bruce said softly, not an admonishment at all. “Not because of this or anything. Just... because."

“I hate to talk about it,” he admitted as Bruce slowly, carefully slipped his arm around Tony’s waist.

He really, _really_ hoped Tony wouldn’t take his gesture the wrong way. Though really, there were only so many ways you could take someone trying to spoon you, but Bruce meant it to be comforting, he really did.

“I hate to think about it. I hate what she did to me. I know she’s a different person now or whatever – I mean, I am too – and hopefully she’s matured, but..."

Tony sniffled a little and his hand came up to rest across Bruce’s, squeezing tightly and snuggling Bruce’s arm more closely against his body. If they had been discussing anything else – literally anything, anything else, from digging military latrines to root canals – Bruce would have had a hard-on pressed straight between Tony’s ass cheeks. But as it was well... his heart ached for Tony. He’d never heard him so serious about anything and Bruce had heard his fair share of break up stories from Tony – usually brandishing a glass of whiskey and a cheeky grin. This one – it hurt. It hurt a lot. So much so that Tony apparently had never gotten over it.

“Are you worried she’s going to leave your best friend at the altar too?” Bruce asked, his voice low so close to Tony’s ear, his nose tickled by Tony’s hair, smelling his cologne and trying not to focus on just how good he smelled, how good he felt. How _right_ he felt.

He could hear Tony swallow and he was pretty sure he’d nailed it.

“I don’t like to think about it,” Tony admitted, his voice thick. “I want – I want them both to be happy but..."

Bruce brought his other hand up to tousle Tony’s hair, running his fingers through it, hoping he found it comforting and not too personal. Not that spooning him wasn’t personal but. Whatever.

“Rhodey’s a big boy,” he said. “He’s not an eighteen-year-old kid. And neither is she. Not anymore."

Tony nodded and removed his hand from Bruce’s a moment to wipe at his eyes and when he put it back his hand was wet and Bruce desperately wanted to turn his face gently and kiss his cheek, kiss away all of his tears. But he didn’t. They were friends, he reminded himself. Just friends.

“I just wish I knew...” he whispered and Bruce squeezed his arm around his body tightly for a moment.

“It doesn’t matter,” Bruce murmured as his fingers shifted through Tony’s silky hair. “One day you’re going to find the right person for you. Someone who understands you and loves you and who will show up again and again. Okay?"

He heard Tony suck in a deep breath and then let out a little sob he tried desperately to contain but Bruce didn’t do anything but lay there, stroking his hair, whispering affirmations to Tony that he truly believed with all of his heart because fuck – he would do it. He would never leave Tony standing by himself if he ever got the chance to prove it.

“Don’t worry about her,” he continued in that same calm voice. “Whatever happened was her fault too – it wasn’t only you. She was scared or she wasn’t ready – she was only a kid – and she didn’t know how to tell you. But it wasn’t you."

“You don’t know that,” Tony managed through a throat full of tears.

“Yeah, I do,” Bruce said confidently. “I know because I know you. You give a hundred and ten percent to everything – your contracts, the kids you work with, all of your relationships – and that intimidates people.

“Dumb people,” he whispered conspiratorially and Tony kind of laughed this sad, wet laugh.

“And I’m sure eighteen-year-old Tony was just as intense as you are today. Maybe even more so. But that doesn’t make you wrong,” Bruce said and he felt Tony relax a little bit in his arms. “And honestly it doesn’t make her wrong to have gotten scared of that. All it really means is that it’s a good thing you guys didn’t actually get married. Because you deserve someone who loves you and every ounce of your intensity."

“I’m not sure that person exists,” Tony said petulantly, but at least his tears were flagging off and his voice was a little more clear.

Bruce didn’t know what to say to that though, so he said nothing. The truth was, he _knew_ that person existed. He existed right there, with Tony. He was holding Tony in his arms. But if Tony couldn’t see that, well... It wasn’t his place to say so when Tony was so vulnerable and scared. Bruce didn’t want Tony to want him because he saw him as the only option. Bruce wanted Tony to want him because he knew Bruce was the only option _for him_ , the only person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the only person he wanted to love. Bruce wanted Tony to want him because he _wanted_ him. Bruce wanted nothing less than every ounce of that intensity focused solely on him for the rest of his life. And if Tony didn’t want that as well, then – it would never be enough.

The silence between them lasted a long time but Tony didn’t ask him to move, seeming content to lay there in his arms for the rest of the night. And Bruce just lay there with him, stroking his hair and smelling his skin and imprinting that precious memory into his brain where he could retrieve it over and over again and let it hurt him every time with its sheer perfection. If only Tony wanted this as badly as Bruce did because Bruce wanted it to be like this every night. But Tony didn’t. Tonight would be enough for him.

Finally, Bruce had to let him go. If he fell asleep like this, curled up against Tony’s back, well... It would hurt. He didn’t know how bad it would hurt but he knew it would hurt a _lot_ and all of this was bad enough already without giving in to his own stupid heart. Because Tony didn’t know how he felt. And it wasn’t fair for Bruce to take advantage of him that way. And it wasn’t fair to Bruce to give himself false memories and false hope.

Still, the feeling of Tony’s slumber heavy limbs falling away from his arm as he slid it out from around his chest was painful enough. Despite the hole in the pit of his stomach, he knew he was doing the right thing.

“You’re m’best friend too, y’know?” Tony mumbled out sleepily as Bruce retreated to his side of the bed and the words cut like a knife.

“I know,” Bruce replied, pretty sure Tony didn’t even hear the reply – but it didn’t matter. Because _Bruce_ knew. He was Tony’s best friend. And that’s all he was ever going to be.

**

“Come on, come on, come on, come on, come ON!"

Bruce couldn’t help but chuckle at Tony, bounding around the room in his wool coat and his boots and his scarf like an over-excited puppy as Bruce put on his own boots.

They had gone to breakfast and Tony seemed to be in a much better mood after last night, ordering mimosas and basically everything else on the menu, stuffing his face and acting like nothing at all was wrong in the world. It was kind of manic but Tony was always a little manic and it was a lot better than listening to him cry last night.

Tony had easily convinced him over breakfast to go on a walk with him later and though Bruce was surprised – it wasn’t the kind of thing they ever did together – it seemed like a calm way to decompress before what was sure to be an absolutely harrowing night. Maybe they could even discuss what the hell they were going to do about midnight.

“You are so _slow_!” Tony grinned and, well... fuck.

Tony had been out of that coat and scarf get-up all of fifteen hours and Bruce somehow managed to forget how damn good he looked in it. He could have stepped straight out of a magazine. Bruce would have loved to brush the hair from his forehead, pull him forward by those lapels, and kiss him tenderly but...

Instead, he just smiled back, nearly bopping him on his adorable little nose but – Jesus. Thoughts like that weren’t helping anyone. Certainly not _him_.

“And _you_ are so impatient.” 

But once he got his boots laced, he followed Tony out while buttoning his coat on the way, and when Tony flung open the back door of the lodge it was with a giant smile.

The lodge grounds seemed like they were better suited to summer activities – there were tennis courts covered in a crunchy white layer of snow and a barely visible pool. But Tony ignored all that and headed to the treeline where there were walking trails through the surrounding forestry. The air smelled crisp and cool and while it was cold the sun was shining and it didn’t feel bad.

Plus, Tony’s warm smile helped – dumb as that sounded. Even in his own treacherous head.

“It’s too bad we’re not here long enough to ski,” Tony sighed wistfully, his bright eyes darting around the trees looking for – what? Bruce wasn’t sure.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so excited about snow,” Bruce joked as he shuffled along behind him with his hands shoved in his pockets, trying not to watch him so obviously.

“Well, snow in the city sucks,” Tony admitted, laughing. “Snow in the mountains is beautiful. Reminds me of being a kid. Snow was the best as a kid, you know? Waking up in the morning, hoping for a snow day..."

Tony trailed off dreamily and Bruce conceded it was a fair point. Snow always seemed better as a kid than as an adult, even without a snow day. Though right now...

Bruce drug his eyes away from his friend and to the scenery around him. There were birds flitting between the trees, chirping across the sky. Snow frosted over the limbs of trees, sparkling in the light. The wide-open sky full of clouds threatened more snow. Mountains in the background rolled gently upward on the quickly disappearing skyline. It really was beautiful up here.

“In the meadow we can build a snowman,” Tony suddenly broke out flawlessly with a laugh and Bruce looked over at him with a too-affectionate smile he simply couldn’t hide. Tony was just too handsome, too endearing, too silly and fun and there was no way for him to defend his heart against that.

“Do _you_ want to build a snowman?” Bruce deadpanned over him as Tony continued at the top of his lungs – “And pretend that he is Parson Brown!"

It was ridiculous just how adorable Bruce found this. Tony often sang – but usually it was drunkenly across a bar to some beautiful woman on the other side he was trying to entice into bed. This was so innocent and sincere and so... good? Tony had a really beautiful voice. Or maybe his crush on Tony was just overwhelming all rational thought.

“He’ll say ‘are you married?’ and we’ll say ‘no, man,’” Tony teased, waggling his brows at him goofily and Bruce couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“But you can do the job,” he paused, stricken when he realized the implication, finishing with “when you’re in town...” as his voice fell swiftly into a sad little whisper, kicking at the snow as he walked.

Watching it, Bruce was absolutely overcome with the need to make him feel better and the very first horrible thought in his head came out of his mouth in a thin, nervous little waver.

“In the meadow we can build a snowman,” he sang at Tony’s back, barely able to look at it, “and pretend that he’s a _circus clown_..."

Tony took only a few steps until he stood next to him, walking slowly, and looking at him in complete surprise.

“We’ll have lots of fun with mister snowman,” Bruce continued, blushing but his mediocre voice strengthened a little, bolstered by Tony’s genuine interest, “until the other kiddies knock him down."

Tony met his eyes with an uncharacteristically serious look, squinting a little like he was seeing something for the first time and he wasn’t sure exactly what it was. While usually a piercing stare would instantly make Bruce uncomfortable – this one didn’t. For some reason, it made him want to laugh.

“You’re singing the wrong damn lines,” Bruce muttered instead as Tony blinked at him owlishly.

And then Tony burst out laughing and so Bruce gave in to the temptation as well, Tony punching his shoulder in a friendly way as Bruce scrunched up against the hit.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sing before,” Tony said and Bruce huffed.

“There’s a reason for that."

“ _Why_?” Tony asked, somehow completely missing the very, very obvious.

“Because I’m terrible at it?” Bruce answered, bemused.

“You are not."

Bruce shook his head and smiled. Tony’s faith in him was endearing if irrational. But he decided not to argue. If it took Tony’s mind off of weddings, then it was an absolute win in his book.

They walked along in silence for a little while and it was nice – relaxing even. Peaceful. They both had stress in their daily lives, hectic schedules and deadlines and late nights. It was nice to get a moment to breathe. This was the first thing like a vacation Bruce had taken in... too long. Even if he were here having his heart mauled to death by Tony and his adorableness. And he really shouldn’t have thought anything about it because then Tony said his name and Bruce wasn’t at all prepared for what came next.

“Do you believe in soul mates?"

The question threw him off. They didn’t usually get that metaphysical so he paused a moment, letting Tony take a few steps before him as he tried to figure out the right answer to that question – if there was one.

“I don’t know,” Bruce replied at last, deciding to go the thoughtful route to match Tony’s mood. “I guess not. It seems implausible that there would be one person on the planet for any other person. I think maybe some people just work together better than others."

Tony seemed to give that an honest shake before he said, “I thought Pep and I were, once. But now I think – it doesn’t have to be only one person or even something romantic, you know? It could just be... like you and me."

Bruce felt his heart stop when Tony said it, trying desperately to keep his feet moving in a forward direction and not fall straight on his face like an idiot, thankful that Tony couldn’t see whatever was on his face because he damn sure didn’t know what it looked like right then but having Tony say they were _soul mates_...?

“It’s like when we met, we just understood each other, you know?” Tony continued and Bruce realized he was going to have to say _something_ so he took as deep a breath as he could manage and came up with the infinitely profound response of – 

“Yeah."

“It just sucks. People think I’m not romantic or – whatever. Capable of caring. But they don’t even give me a chance. They don’t – I don’t know...” Tony trailed off and it was all Bruce could do not to take a few quick steps and grab his hand and squeeze it tight and let him know – 

It didn’t matter. Tony had just called him his soul mate in the same breath that he said it wasn’t romantic. What in the world could be more blunt than that?

“I’m probably the worst person to give you advice on this,” Bruce said, trying to keep his voice light even though his heart was aching. “My track record isn’t much better than yours."

Tony snorted and looked back at him with a grin, waiting for him to catch up again.

“Look, there was that guy you were with? Justin? You managed to keep him hanging around for nine entire _months_. That’s like. Guinness Book of records shit compared to me. You could have had a full-term baby with that man."

Bruce couldn’t help but laugh at that – and not only because it was true.

“Yeah – but you’ve managed to keep me around for years,” Bruce pointed out.

But the reply was painfully easy as it came from Tony’s lips and Bruce really, really wished it wasn’t.

“Yeah, but I told you,” Tony said, his smile soft and warm and exquisitely painful. “That’s ‘cause we’re soul mates."

**

When they finally reached the end of the trail and breached the treeline they had about ten whole seconds to figure out what the hell was going on before Tony was hit smack in the middle of the face with a snowball.

“Got you!” Rhodey cried with unrestrained glee as he sailed past and another aimed in Rhodey’s direction hit Bruce in the chest.

“Jesus Christ!” Tony shouted as he wiped his face and Bruce laughed, darting back into the treeline to analyze the field of play.

“We’re taking that fucker down, right?” Tony said over his shoulder as he joined him and Bruce grinned.

“Hell yeah,” he replied, all of the lingering heartache of their walk falling away from Bruce instantly as they mounted a plan of attack.

They were in a pretty shitty spot, truth be told. A guy Tony called Steve who was built like a linebacker had a truly enviable position near the lodge, protected by a literal brick wall behind which he and his team could stockpile handmade ammo. Rhodey, on the other hand, was across the field with his own team, their position less protected. It looked like it amounted to a couple of lawn chairs that had failed to be put up and gotten snowed on. Still, his team had their flag – one of the black cloth napkins stolen from the lodge at breakfast – faithfully protected.

“Look, someone’s just going to have to take one for the team here,” Bruce pointed out. “You can see they’re at an impasse – who is that blonde woman with the butch haircut?"

“Carol?” Tony laughed.

“Carol is trying to draw them out,” Bruce pointed out, watching as she would come forward and throw a few at Rhodey’s team, actually aiming dead on and hitting them, hoping that pissing them off would drag them out enough that someone else could come grab their flag. She needed more than just herself to pull it off though.

Steve and Carol’s team seemed to be light one person because they had three and Rhodey had four and that was complicating matters. Which, for Bruce, was even more reason that Rhodey should get taken down. It wasn’t a fair fight, even despite their better defensive position.

“Do you think she sees us?” Tony asked and Bruce shrugged.

“I know she sees us but I don’t know if she understands what we’re about to do."

Tony chuckled. “And what are we about to do, exactly?"

“I’m going to leave you here,” Bruce said, looking back at Tony. “Then I’m going to go through the treeline to attack them from behind. And while I’m distracting them, you’re going to go get their flag."

Tony was grinning at him and nodding and he clapped his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it extra tight through his wool coat and Bruce reached up and patted it back without even thinking before leaving him and disappearing through the trees.

When he reached the position he wanted he was way out past the field and he could no longer see Tony but he could see Rhodey’s defenses built up behind their opportunistic lawn chair snowdrift, watching his team discuss their options as they rolled snowballs.

Bruce took a deep breath, trying not to let himself get too self-conscious about what he was going to do, imagining Tony’s winning smile when he grabbed their flag triumphantly.

Letting that thought bolster him and shoving aside all others, he broke from the treeline at a dead run, screaming like a total idiot as he did so to get their attention.

Rhodey’s team was absolutely beside themselves and immediately began pelting him with snowballs. He stopped screaming and started to laugh, each successful hit growing harder as he grew closer and he watched with an overwhelming sense of success as Tony ran by, snatching their flag off the promontory of snow it was placed on as Rhodey yelled obscenities at him and scrambled over the snowbank to catch him.

However, Rhodey apparently forgot their snowbank was actually a chair and his foot went straight through the plastic ribbons and he fell face-first into the snow, laughing as his team realized what was actually happening and began to switch focus from Bruce to Tony – but it was too late.

Steve and Carol’s team had figured it out and were on Tony’s heels as he headed to the lodge and Bruce was grinning like crazy as, in a fit of unusual athleticism, he jumped the chair Rhodey was trying to get unstuck from and dashed across the field to Tony.

Tony reached the lodge patio with a triumphant cry, holding the flag high over his head as the other team skidded to a stop before him, congratulating him grudgingly. Bruce tried to stop himself – but apparently he’d used all the grace he had for the day jumping the chair and he slid on the icy snow and found himself tripping in a fast fall into Tony, crashing into him hard. But Tony was anticipating it and took a few steadying steps back as he wrapped his arms around him, catching him.

They were both laughing as they came to a stop, Bruce taking a moment to steady himself and he looked up into Tony’s eyes, crinkled with genuine joy as they looked back down at him and oh God – he wanted to kiss him _so goddamn bad_ but he didn’t. He just grinned back at his friend before reluctantly extracting himself as Rhodey walked up, smacking snow from his pants as he approached.

“Okay, for the record?” Rhodey said, his face twisted into a frown though he clearly wanted to grin. “This guy is no good for you. Terrible. Just really – the worst."

Tony was glowing as Rhodey finally cracked a grin and Bruce couldn’t help the twisted way that made him feel – all hot and sweet and terrible at the same time – and he stood there beside Tony, looking away from both of them and trying not to blush.

“Next time maybe don’t hit me in the moneymaker,” Tony teased, throwing the napkin in Rhodey’s face though he caught it effortlessly.

“You wanna do another round? We could use you on our team,” Carol asked Bruce with a broad smile but he shook his head, wincing that way he always did when he wanted to get out of something as demurely as possible.

“I’m sorry, I think I’m going to go lay down for a while.” He looked over at Tony as he said it and Tony looked back, his face still pink with exertion and the cold and he was still all happy smiles and it was – 

It was like Bruce was thrown straight back into that horrible butterfly stage where every time Tony smiled at him it was a jolt of electricity straight to his veins. That was years ago, years since it turned into a painful wallowing in his gut, a horrible little block of icy depression that never seemed to really melt. And he thought – nothing could be worse than that. But somehow, this was. This was way, way worse. It hurt in such a keen, deliberate way he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t go through this again – this puppy love stage with Tony. It was hard enough the first time. He didn’t think he was strong enough to survive round two.

“Are you okay?” Tony asked softly, his face growing serious as he reached out for him and grabbed his lapel in a singularly affectionate gesture and Bruce wanted nothing more than to pull away and put distance between them but he couldn’t. Not while they were supposed to be dating in front of all these people.

“Yeah,” Bruce assured him easily, hoping whatever was on his face resembled a smile. “I just need a minute. You can stay. Defend my honor."

Trying to be casual, he poked Tony in the chest – a teasing little gesture that put some distance between them – and Tony let his hand fall from his lapel, watching as he walked away. At the last minute, Bruce threw a look over his shoulder as he reached the door and he smiled affectionately when he realized Tony and Rhodey were watching him leave. But as soon as he was within the walls of the lodge and out of eyeshot, his face fell completely and he staggered a few steps, feeling completely drained.

Yeah, he needed a fucking ‘minute.’ What he needed was to hole up in the room and not leave again until tomorrow afternoon when they were supposed to check out.

He drug himself through the lobby, glad for the fact that he didn’t know anyone and he didn’t have to fake any kind of chipper attitude. Of course, as soon as he had that thought he caught Pepper’s eye as she emerged from the elevator he was about to enter.

“Oh!” she said, a smile crossing her red-painted lips. “I’m looking for James – have you seen him? I know he was trying to find Tony when he left but that was almost an hour ago."

“Ah – yeah, they’re outside,” he said, wanting to find some way to discourage her from interacting with Tony but unsure what he could say to dissuade her from trying to find her fiancé. “There’s a snowball fight."

That seemed to do it though and her lips drew tight in a subtle but distinct note of displeasure.

“Oh, well – do you want to get a drink while we wait for them to return?” she asked brightly. “You look cold."

Bruce swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. All he wanted was to go back to the room, take a hot shower, masturbate – maybe, and curl up in bed and watch some shitty TV and decompress before he had to go to dinner tonight. But since when did he ever get what he wanted?

“Can you give me a minute to change?"

**

It really only took him a minute to get out of his heavy wool coat and tame his appearance into something presentable. He wished it had taken longer, that he’d had more time to prepare himself. But at the same time, he was pretty sure that given much more than a minute he would have tried to think of some excuse to weasel his way out of going.

At least he would be able to distract her from Tony for a little while.

Pepper was sitting at the bar waiting when he returned, her legs crossed at the ankle and her shoulders hunched in a way that tall women did sometimes but which made her look especially juvenile. Bruce wondered as he took a stool next to her if she were somehow nervous too.

She seemed to unfold though when he joined her – whether from genuine interest in seeing him or because she was easing into a role familiar to her, Bruce didn’t know and truthfully didn’t really care. This was weird. Really weird. Sitting with Tony’s ex when she thought he was Tony’s boyfriend. He loved Tony, sure, and he wanted what was best for him, but he couldn’t really _speak_ for him.

“Thank you for joining me,” she said with a smile. “I ordered hot toddies – I hope that’s okay."

Bruce forced a smile back, trying to ease into it as well. It wasn’t that she was particularly difficult to deal with – he was just emotionally drained and sitting there with anyone would have been equally as difficult.

“That’s great – thank you,” he said as the drinks were brought over the next moment.

The cup felt nice and warm on his still chilled hands and that, at least, made him feel a little better.

There was a moment of silence between them and Bruce wasn’t particularly anxious to break it. He wasn’t the one who’d invited her here and he didn’t really feel like talking anyway. If she wanted to have a conversation, she was going to have to start it. What he didn’t expect was for her to just jump right in the deep end.

“I’m sorry if this seems insincere, but I was hoping we could talk about Tony for a minute,” she opened and although Bruce nodded and shifted his eyes to her nervous face, his heart flinched as she said it. “I guess maybe you know a little bit about... us?"

“Are you implying Tony doesn’t like to talk about things he finds painful?” Bruce asked dryly and she was clearly caught off guard a moment before she realized he was joking.

“You know – he must be such a different person now,” she said and that, at least, Bruce appreciated, “but when I look at him it’s like..."

Bruce didn’t really want to know what she thought when she looked at Tony. He was being unnecessarily guarded for a conversation that in no way personally involved him but maybe he resented her a little. Or maybe he resented her a lot. Maybe he was pissed she had Tony once and cut him loose and yet was still here talking about him. He didn’t want to be pissed. It was stupid and childish. But after this morning he had no emotional reserves left to combat the feeling.

“You seem like such a reasonable person,” she pivoted and Bruce wanted to laugh. She didn’t know him at all. “I really don’t want the rest of our lives to be dictated by this thing that happened when we were kids. James and Tony – they were like brothers once – and I know Tony says it’s okay but I also know James has always felt at least a little conflicted about us because of Tony. We don’t even live in the same state but still – I want to try to fix things for him so it doesn’t have to be weird between us and I just... I don’t know how."

Bruce huffed and gripped the glass tighter. It wasn’t really his place to say anything about this but he was stuck here now, stuck in this conversation, stuck in this stupid situation Tony had created, so whatever – Tony was going to have to forgive him. Because it was Tony’s fucking fault in the first place.

“You could try talking to _him_."

It came out a meaner than he had meant it to and she responded by crunching up a bit around her drink. Bruce couldn’t help it – that made him mad. It made him think about what Tony had said earlier on their walk: that no one ever gave him a chance. Bruce had never seen it that way, always thought that just about anyone would give Tony a chance – at least for one night. But now he understood what Tony was trying to say, it was just hard to fathom when Bruce was exactly the opposite. People took one look at his flashy personality and gregarious...ness and pegged him as shallow, incapable of deep conversation or empathy or understanding. But they were the ones completely incapable of seeing beneath Tony's facade to the deep, violently caring man he actually was inside.

And he almost _married_ her.

“I know,” she said, “and I intend to. I guess – I wanted to know if you thought he would be open to some kind of reconciliation."

Bruce bit his tongue on what he wanted to say and tried to consider what was in Tony’s best interest. He was fairly sure that ultimately that’s what Tony wanted, too.

“You need to tell him why you didn’t show,” Bruce said slowly, considering his words carefully as he stared at the amber liquid in his glass, the pretty slice of lemon stuffed with cloves. “He can’t get over it until he knows."

She laughed and it sounded incredulous.

“Surely he is over it by _now_ ,” she said and Bruce turned his face towards her and pinned her with a look he knew wasn’t particularly nice.

“You didn’t show and then you never spoke to him again – who just ‘gets over’ that?” he asked and the look on her face clearly said she had never thought about it that way before. “He lives with it, obviously, but it remains a huge stumbling block for him. Think about it – the very first person he loved and trusted abandoned him and didn’t even have the guts to tell him why. You knew Tony once – do you _really_ think he could just ‘get over’ that?"

“He should have known it was a fantasy!” she replied sharply then took a moment to collect herself, though the next few sentences still came out strained. “He should have known we couldn’t get _married_. This is ridiculous! We were eighteen. We were _kids_."

“And you couldn’t have just told him that?” Bruce asked skeptically and she sighed.

“At first I thought it would be better not to,” she said, seeming to deflate as the words left her lips. “I know that sounds dumb but I _was_ dumb. I guess I thought he would get the message and forget about it. We were all going to college orientations and – you know.

“But then he started to get more and more insistent and I got scared and I didn’t know what to do. My parents never liked him and they told me they wanted to file a restraining order but that was so over the top! I still loved him; I didn’t want _that_. I thought it was better to just ignore him for the summer than risk encouraging him more and get him in real trouble."

For a moment Bruce felt an unexpected pang of sympathy for her. She had still fucked up but, god... eighteen was hard. And Tony had admitted their parents hated their relationship too, but Bruce hadn’t understood to what degree. A restraining order? For _what_? For showing up at his ex-girlfriend’s house to talk? Christ.

“Tony can be... intense,” Bruce conceded at last and she looked up at him, a little bit of hope in her eyes that he might understand. “But that’s why you need to tell him. Because he’s such an intense person, he can’t just let it go like you or I would. But he wants to... I think."

She nodded then, her eyes returning to her drink as she considered that.

“I wanted to, you know. Marry him,” she said softly as he sipped his drink, neither one of them looking at the other. “But Tony – he was my first... everything. It didn’t matter how much I loved him, I didn’t think I could be happy without knowing what else was out there. I don’t know if he could have been happy with me or not but – sounds like not."

Pepper tried to smile and make some kind of joke of Tony’s promiscuity but Bruce didn’t let it slide, his face shutting that down completely. On the contrary – Bruce was pretty sure that despite Tony’s voluminous sexual history, he would never have questioned being her one and only if she had never given him a reason to.

Her smile waned when it was clear Bruce wasn’t amused and she took a drink as well.

“When I saw him yesterday it was like...” She stopped, paused, and tried again. “I know if we had gotten married then we would have laughed like crazy but fought like hell. With James, it’s like... I can see us having a well-rounded life together. Maybe I would have had more fun with Tony, but I know I’ll have a better life with James. You understand that, right?"

Bruce felt his throat constrict and suddenly he wanted to cry because the fact of the matter was when he looked at Tony he saw the only life he wanted – and it was both things. More things even than that. Laughter and tears, joy and pain, well-rounded but still crazy fun. When he looked at Tony, he saw everything. How she couldn’t have seen that too, he didn’t know. But she could have _had_ it. She could have had _everything_ he wanted and could never actually have.

“We’ve only been dating for two months,” Bruce said at last and she laughed then, a real thing, before pressing a hand to her forehead.

“I’m sorry – I’m being absolutely ridiculous,” she apologized and Bruce couldn’t help but agree. “This whole wedding has me so worked up."

“I can imagine,” Bruce managed, trying not to be macabre although what he was feeling right then was pretty fucking terrible and any number of dark and shitty things were on the edge of his tongue.

“It really was sweet of Tony to come all the way up here. I know it’s like an eight-hour drive. James would never have admitted it, but I knew he was going to be heartbroken if Tony didn’t make it and I was worried I would be the reason –"

“Hey, Bruce!” Tony’s voice rang out behind him. “I thought you were going..."

They both turned to look at him and Tony paused, trailing off when he realized Bruce was with Pepper. But Bruce smiled at him, his hair all a mess, snow melting on his shoulders as he approached, and Tony didn’t look at Pepper again. It was like – fuck. It was like this wasn’t all a hoax and Tony only had eyes for him.

Bruce slipped off the stool then and took a step to meet him, wrapping him in his arms. If Tony was surprised by the gesture, he didn’t show it – instead, he just slid his arms around him too, laying his face straight up against his neck and closing his eyes and God help him, Bruce tried. He really did. But holding Tony like that? Like he was _his_? In a court of law, he would’ve had to plead insanity. He just functionally couldn’t control himself. It was too much.

He couldn’t help but put a hand on Tony’s head, cradling him gently as he turned his own face towards Pepper, a look full of intensity and raw possessiveness on his face, a warning, a command – don’t you _dare_ hurt him again. And it wasn’t really fair to her, he knew that. She’d said it all, right there, right to his face, and he knew it wasn’t like that but – he just – he just loved Tony so fucking much. But she got the message loud and clear as she balked and turned away and he let his eyes fall back to Tony tucked up against his shoulder.

“Come on,” he whispered in his ear and Tony nodded against his neck, drawing away just enough that they could walk back to the elevator together – for a moment forgetting Pepper entirely.

**

“So what was that?” Tony said as he stepped out of the bathroom in nothing but another pair of fucking boxers, toweling his hair. “Fraternizing with the enemy?"

They didn’t really say anything when they returned to the room – a fact for which Bruce was extremely grateful. Tony just ordered some appetizers from room service and got into the shower to get a head start on preparing for the rehearsal later.

Bruce rolled his eyes as he picked through what Tony had ordered, sitting at the little table for two set between the fireplace and the window, not really hungry after their giant breakfast – nothing at all to do with the rock that sat heavy in his stomach.

“I didn’t _want_ to,” Bruce replied as he pushed a bite-sized savory quiche around his plate. “She accosted me at the elevator and I didn’t think I should say no."

Tony fell into the opposing seat and grabbed a bacon-wrapped shrimp and popped it in his mouth, looking over at him skeptically.

“What did she _want_?” he asked as he swallowed and swiped another.

“She wanted to know if you would reconcile with her – for Rhodey’s sake, apparently."

Tony rolled his eyes at that and Bruce watched a number of emotions flit across his face. He wasn’t sure what Tony was thinking but he was really going to feel like an ass if he’d guessed wrong.

“What did you say?” Tony said at last, putting the ball in Bruce’s court, which sucked because it wasn’t like Tony really was his boyfriend or anything – what he said or thought didn’t really matter.

“I told her she needed to talk to you,” Bruce answered honestly as Tony went for a bruschetta skewer. “But I also said I thought you'd be amenable to it."

Tony didn't say anything for a moment as he processed that and then gave him a tight smile.

“That's the mature thing to do, right?"

Bruce laughed a little and leaned back in the chair, considering him as Tony tried one of the quiches. “I actually do think that would be what's best for _you_."

Tony sighed dramatically and then looked up at him with a cute little smirk, his eyes soft and open, conciliatory. “You're probably right."

“But really – it’s not my business,” Bruce admitted, finally giving up on the idea of eating, at least until he had a shower.

Tony huffed in an exaggerated way and gave him a pointed look. “You probably have more of a vested interest in me than even I do."

Bruce couldn’t help but look away. Tony wasn’t exactly _wrong_ , there – he just didn’t exactly know how right he was either.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m the one here with you now, yeah?” Bruce teased as he fought down his feelings about that. “And not – what was her name?"

“Fuck Bruce, I don’t remember,” he admitted with a laugh, rubbing at his chin in embarrassment.

“That wasn’t even a month ago!"

“I know!” Tony laughed again as he went back for the shrimp. “I think she was one with the name of someone I’ve dated before. Ashley or Jessica or something..."

Tony trailed off and since Bruce had no other input and there was an entire table between them, Bruce let his gaze linger along Tony’s flat chest and the soft little trail of hair there that ran down his torso to his stomach, thickening before reaching beneath his boxers. His dusky nipples, hard in the cool air. The relaxed way he spread himself in the chair, from his muscular calves to the damp hair falling across his forehead, the beautiful arc of his neck and the jut of his collarbone beneath the towel draped across his shoulders...

After last night he could imagine how it would feel to lay with Tony tucked up against his chest, stroking his fingers along that smooth line of hair and back up to his nipples, teasing his fingers against them and feeling him squirm, his hips pressing back against Bruce’s. He could imagine working his hand back down, underneath the elastic waistband of his boxers, stroking along the curve of his hips, slipping in between his legs and – 

Christ, what in the actual fuck was he _doing_? He was hard as hell sitting there, watching Tony enjoy his spread of appetizers, completely unaware that his best friend and so-called platonic soul mate was a complete fucking pervert. He was literally going to have to kiss this man tonight and somehow manage to not lose his load. Indiscreet alcohol poisoning was suddenly seeming like the more appealing option and Bruce _hated_ throwing up.

“I think I’m going to take a shower too,” Bruce said, trying not to let his voice come out as stiff as his dick but thankfully Tony didn’t seem to notice, humming contentedly as he ate and not even looking up.

He locked the door behind him when he made it to the bathroom, sagging against the counter and hoping Tony wouldn’t decide he absolutely needed to do his hair or anything because he just – he needed – 

Bruce was pretty sure he’d been like fifteen the last time he felt _this_ badly about masturbating.

“Hey, Bruce?” Tony called and Bruce cursed under his breath.

“Yeah?” he called back through the doorway.

“Can you – ?” his voice was still loud but it was close now and Bruce sighed as he opened the door a bit.

Tony’s face was right there but he looked a little nervous or maybe not nervous so much as unguarded and insecure.

“Thank you,” he said, an unsure little smile trying to figure out its place on his face. “For, you know – coming with me and... actually giving a shit."

Bruce smiled back, wishing Tony would have the goddamn decency to warn him before he shoved a knife right in his heart and twisted.

“Of course,” he said, plastering on some kind of smile. “Soul mates."

The look Tony gave him then was so genuine and pure, his smile so solid and assured, his cheeks flushing with pleasure and his eyes crinkling adorably and god, fuck, shit – it wasn’t fair what that look did to him. It wasn’t fair that his _friendship_ caused that kind of reaction in Tony, making it clear that’s all he wanted from him when Bruce wanted so much more.

But at least Tony had the decency to return to the table then and Bruce shut and locked the door again, turning on the water so he wouldn’t be able to hear him this time if he called his name. And guiltily he stood beneath the shower spray and masturbated to the simple fantasy of dragging Tony in there with him, pinning him against the cool tile and kissing every one of his needless insecurities from his mind.

**

Bruce arrived at dinner feeling a hell of a lot better than he had been. Tony didn’t hang around too long after Bruce got out of the shower. He did his hair and whatever then went down to see if he could find Pepper and ‘rip those staples out.’ Bruce knew it was going to hurt, that flesh had healed over those sutures a long time ago, but Tony actually looked somewhat confident about that and Bruce was anxious but optimistic for him.

He hung around the room while Tony was out, watching nothing on TV and managing to take a short nap. Having some alone time gave him some much needed distance before he was thrown back into the fray.

When he walked into the private party room though, his eyes immediately sought out Tony. The room was set up with two long tables covered in white tablecloths and flowers – what he assumed to be the bridal party and Rhodey and Pepper’s families among the attendees securing seats. He found Tony waiting for him across the room and when their eyes met Tony’s smile grew and he dropped whatever conversation he was in the middle of to beeline across the room and wrap him in a hug.

Bruce let himself accept it for the friendly gesture it was, listening as Tony murmured in his ear – 

“I talked to Pepper and – you were right. I feel so much better now. Thank you."

Bruce couldn’t help smiling at that, giving him a quick squeeze as they fell apart. Tony deserved more than to be hung up on someone who didn’t care about him the way he deserved to be cared for. Tony deserved closure. And if Bruce had anything to do with that then he would happily accept credit.

Tony let him go but he took his hand and Bruce tried not to show his surprise as Tony led him to the table, sitting across from Steve and his girlfriend Peggy and formally introducing them.

“We actually went to high school together,” Tony admitted, pausing in a way that Bruce knew was a subtle tell for when he was uncomfortable with something.

“Tony didn’t come to our ten year reunion,” Steve said, “so this is the first time most of us are seeing him since."

The implication was that a group of them still hung out or talked and Tony wasn’t a part of that – something which Bruce could sympathize with.

“I didn’t go to mine either,” Bruce replied blandly. Steve didn’t seem like he was trying to be a dick, so Bruce bit his tongue on saying anything needlessly nasty.

“We went to a fairly small school,” Peggy said with a smile. “Most of us kept in touch."

Sitting at that bar last week Bruce didn’t exactly understand why Tony was so concerned about this, but now he felt like he was in some kind of horror movie with these two beautiful people smiling at him in a way that made his skin crawl. It was unsettling, like some kind of vague threat. Like it was only a matter of time before the dead bodies started showing up.

"How many people in the bridal party are from your graduating class?" Bruce asked cautiously and caught the face Tony quickly tried to hide as Steve smiled.

"Well, there's me, Sam, Natasha, Wanda," Steve said, counting off a finger for each name.

"But I would guess most of our graduating class was invited," Peggy added and Bruce could practically feel Tony's anxiety ratcheting up even despite ostensibly talking with Pepper and how amiable Steve was being.

"We played football together," Tony blurted out suddenly as the wait staff began to set bowls of salad on the tables and Steve grinned.

"Tony was a great wide receiver," Steve laughed and that seemed to put Tony more at ease.

"And you were a terrible _everything_ ," he returned with a smirk and Bruce was somewhat surprised by that given Steve’s physique.

"But I started varsity three years in a row!"

"And I think you took a year off Coach Nick’s life every time you fumbled the ball on the first fucking play."

“Puberty really hit me hard and early,” Steve cut in to explain to Bruce. “I was huge but I had no idea what to do with it."

“Didn’t stop literally every girl from wanting to date you though,” Peggy teased as she spooned herself some salad.

“Except you,” Steve replied and she gave him a coy smirk.

“I was playing the long game,” she answered as Bruce lost interest in their conversation and filled his own plate.

“I usually played iron man,” Tony teased, taking the tongs from him and nudging him in the arm and Bruce looked over, confused.

“What does that mean?” Bruce asked as he picked up his fork. “I didn’t even know you played football or had any interest in it."

“Means I was a badass,” Tony bragged, looking strangely young and confident in a way that made Bruce want to blush and ravish him simultaneously. “I played both sides of the field – the whole game. I was one of the best players."

“Kind of like being the cherry on a shit sundae,” Steve interjected with a grin but it doused Tony’s enthusiasm instantly.

“Yeah, going to East Shenendehowa High wasn’t going to get you a sports scholarship,” Tony admitted but Bruce didn’t understand why he was acting put out by that.

“Who cares?” Bruce asked, honestly confused. “You’re a genius."

For a moment Tony didn’t say anything but then Bruce could see a smile spreading across his face even though he kept it buried in his plate. It made Bruce feel good so he let himself throw his arm up on Tony’s chair possessively. It seemed like there were a lot of unsaids floating around, things Bruce didn’t know, but he didn’t give a fuck. Bruce wasn’t about to let anyone try and tear Tony down.

“So how did you two meet?” Steve asked after a minute. “I have to admit, we were all a little surprised when Tony showed up with..."

He trailed off but what he didn't say was pretty fucking clear and Bruce was thankfully quite good at keeping his face neutral.

“You know, just because of how serious you and Pepper were,” Peggy tried to add to smooth over the awkwardness of what Steve had said but failing spectacularly.

“Not that there’s anything _wrong_ with... well, you know,” Steve continued until Bruce couldn’t help but interject.

“We met at a sex dungeon,” Bruce deadpanned as Tony made a strangled sound beside him and it looked like the couple across from them didn’t even fully comprehend what Bruce had said.

“He couldn’t even tell me his name. He was gagged with one of those, you know,” Bruce made a circular motion with his hand that ended in a tight pulling motion as Tony began to laugh loudly and Steve’s eyes went wide, “those ball gags – but the latex shorts he was wearing?"

Bruce whistled and he was sure the result was jarring since he kept his face flat and neutral. Tony was begging him to stop as he wiped at his tears and Steve and Peggy both looked away, embarrassed.

“Stop – we met at a campus visit for my afterschool volunteer program in _your_ lab,” Tony tried to interject but Bruce barrelled right on over him.

“I didn’t even learn his name until the next morning."

“We’ve been friends for _years_!"

“ _That_ ,” Bruce made a face as he turned back to his plate, spearing the last bits of his salad, “was one x-rated night."

“Oh my god you are so full of shit,” Tony laughed but Bruce loved the sound of his laugh.

“Then he disappeared on me like some kind of perverse Cinderella,” Bruce said but he turned towards Tony, finally allowing himself to grin at Tony who was grinning back at him, forgetting about Steve and Peggy entirely, completely caught up in their little game.

“That is my signature move,” Tony teased.

“Took me weeks to get you to go on an actual date with me."

Tony rolled his eyes as Bruce’s smile softened.

“Have to play hard to get so you know I’m worth it,” he joked but there was something gentle there that wasn’t there before and Bruce couldn’t help it, he smiled back his own gentle smile.

“You’re worth it,” Bruce assured him quietly and for a minute – god.

For a minute he thought maybe he saw something there, in Tony’s eyes, something... something _more_. Like – maybe he might – might want to lean forward just a little and – 

“So _did_ you meet in a lab then?” Steve asked, utterly confused, and the moment was ruined but – maybe it was better that way.

Tony turned back to Steve and Peggy, and Bruce to his plate, and he tried to keep his eyes there, tried not to focus on – 

He licked his lips. It didn’t matter. One way or another, he was going to learn just how it felt to kiss Tony tonight.

**

Tony let him off the hook to go back to the room as he went to the bar with Rhodey and the others after an awkward dinner. Part of Bruce told himself this was it, just fall the fuck to sleep and be there face down in bed when Tony returned with a sleepy and apologetic smile and Tony would understand even if he were somehow disappointed and Bruce wouldn’t literally have to kiss him at midnight.

But then the other part of him said that was a real shit move considering how vulnerable Tony clearly was and he just needed to suck it up and go. So he went. He felt shitty and defensive, but he went. And not even Tony’s bright and beautiful smile when he entered the room could make him feel any better.

Tony was clearly enjoying himself though. He had some dorky glasses fashioned into the shape of the year pushed up his head and into his hair and immediately he walked away from the conversation he was in the middle of to pull Bruce into a tight hug. Tony nosed at his neck drunkenly and Bruce regretted every major life decision that had led him to that point as Tony released him, handing Bruce his drink so he wouldn’t be empty-handed before dragging him back to his friends.

“Tony was the best wingman in college though,” Rhodey was saying as they walked up and Bruce took a sip of the expensive whiskey Tony handed him. “There you are. And Bruce, so glad you could join us."

Bruce nodded and though he felt uncomfortable with the comment he was fairly certain it wasn’t meant any particular way – but he felt Tony’s arm slip possessively around his waist anyway, drawing him near. He tried not to watch Tony too obviously but he didn’t understand it – this made him feel vulnerable? Being with Rhodey? Because he was getting married or – ?

“It doesn’t hurt that Tony can talk anyone into anything,” Rhodey continued to the other people standing there whose names Bruce didn’t know and he kept his mouth shut but boy did Bruce have some thoughts on _that_.

Tony rolled his eyes and laughed. “It’s easy when they _want_ to be talked into it."

Bruce felt that like it was personal commentary given how Tony had talked _him_ into _this_ but Tony wasn’t even looking at him as Bruce buried his nose in the glass, wishing now more than ever that he’d stayed in the damn room.

“Yeah, you’d be surprised,” he piped up bitterly as Rhodey started to speak and they all turned towards him which he cursed himself for.

“See?” Tony said with a self-satisfied smirk at the same time as Rhodey made a sound of disbelief.

“I’ve seen a number of people walk right out on him mid-sentence while he’s begging for a second chance,” Bruce added with a cavalier smile he didn’t feel at all but everyone laughed like it was a great joke.

It was a shitty thing to say though, knowing how sensitive Tony was feeling. If it had been just the two of them at their bar after work on Friday, Tony would have laughed and punched him in the arm and agreed. But here it fell flat and Tony’s arm fell away from Bruce’s waist and he excused himself to get another drink from the bar as Rhodey continued his story about their college indiscretions.

Rhodey must not have noticed the tension though as he pulled Bruce aside after a minute by his arm as the other people they were talking to dispersed.

“I’m not going to lie, I had some doubts about you,” Rhodey said and Bruce just stared blankly, unsure what to say to _that_.

He could see Tony across the room, laughing with some woman, leaning in close, flirtatiously, and his stomach sank. Bruce didn’t want to look back at Rhodey’s eyes. He hated this. It was such bullshit and Rhodey should know it. He should be skeptical. He shouldn’t buy any of this bullshit.

“But whatever you said to those two today to get their shit together is more than I’ve managed in years so – thank you."

Bruce could see Rhodey’s hand in his line of sight and he took it cautiously, letting Rhodey pull him towards his chest in a casual hug and pat him on the back.

“Tony is like my brother but he’s not always forthright about his love life,” Rhodey continued as he released him. “I guess I wasn’t surprised he didn’t tell me about you until last week but I know you’ve been friends for a long time. It’s probably not for me to say since we’ve just met but you’re the only person he’s dated who he actually seems to respect."

Bruce wanted to laugh. Of course Tony talked about him like he ‘respected’ him – they weren’t actually dating and Tony didn’t care about him beyond that. He didn’t want to be _respected_ by Tony, at least not like _that_ – he wanted to be _wanted_.

“Alls I’m trying to say is,” Rhodey said as Bruce looked away again at Tony trying to entice these ladies into dancing with him, all goofy moves that had them laughing, “Tony doesn’t talk about people like that. So if you want him, you’ll have him for as long as you want."

For a minute Bruce’s eyes tracked back, wondering if Rhodey knew... but Bruce didn’t think that’s what he meant. It was just that Bruce _did_ want him, he just couldn’t have him at all.

“I don’t know about that,” Bruce answered, knowing he must seem taciturn but he was frustrated with this conversation. “But you can skip the shovel talk if that’s where this is headed."

Rhodey laughed even though Bruce hadn’t intended to be funny and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry – I won’t murder you with a shovel,” Rhodey teased, his eyes shining and Bruce had to look away again. “I’ll get far more creative."

Thankfully someone came up and distracted Rhodey and Bruce was left alone to wander around the venue hall like he was lost, standing out of the way and smiling stiff, awkward smiles at people he didn’t know. If Tony had wanted to punish him for his comment, then he sure as hell succeeded. Bruce was almost thankful to see him when Tony finally ambushed him by the bathrooms about an hour later.

“What the hell, Banner?” Tony hissed when he was close enough in range to hear him. “I didn’t ask you to come with me so you could drag me down in front of those guys!"

“And I didn’t agree to come with you so I could be mocked!” Bruce snapped back instantly and Tony paused then, clearly unsure what he meant but Bruce didn’t let Tony’s innocence excuse him, real or feigned.

“What the fuck are you talking about?"

“‘I can talk anyone into anything if they want it bad enough,’” Bruce mocked in a dumb, high pitched whisper that not only strained his vocal cords but clearly offended Tony’s sensibilities. And he knew it was just his hurt feelings but the next line was so easy to say it astounded even himself. “As if I have a – a _crush_ on you or something."

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Tony said, his voice very soft and Bruce wanted to say it sounded sad but then with Tony sad, guilty, and apologetic were all pretty much the same emotion.

Bruce sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. This was quickly becoming an unbelievable mess but at least he might have the opportunity to ensure that they were on the same page about what was happening here.

“I really don’t mind playing your adoring boyfriend or whatever,” Bruce lied straight through his lying fucking teeth, “I’ll even kiss you at midnight. But don’t mock me for trying to be a good friend."

“I’m sorry,” Tony apologized after a tense moment of silence as they stared each other down. “I didn’t intend for you to take it that way."

Bruce took a breath and looked at Tony’s honestly contrite face. Maybe he was overreacting a little here. It was just conversation. Conversation Rhodey started. Tony probably didn’t mean anything by it, just like he said. Bruce was just so overwhelmed by this whole experience he was feeling sensitive now. He needed to adjust his attitude. He needed to remember that not only was all of this fake, but Tony didn’t know Bruce was harboring a crush on him. It wasn’t a statement born out of any kind of cruelty. Tony didn’t know. Tony saw him as only a friend. Tony didn’t want to kiss him or hold him or do any of this – it was just an act for him.

He knew that but looking at Tony now with his sorry face, it hurt. It hurt but he knew he had to let this go. Tony was never going to be his, not the way he wanted. Tony was just too gifted a faker and – and – 

Bruce tried to give him an apologetic smile of his own but even to him, it felt like a lie. “I’m sorry, this is just a lot for me."

Relief immediately flooded Tony’s face and he grinned back. “It’s okay. It’s a lot for me, too. That’s why I wanted you here."

Bruce very carefully hardened his heart against that grin even though his own smile felt more natural on his face now and he couldn’t deny that.

“You ready?” Bruce asked, offering Tony his hand but Tony’s face grew serious a moment.

“You don’t have to, you know,” Tony said, looking away towards the hall and the people talking and dancing out there. “Hold my hand and any of that shit."

Bruce tried not to let his face fall as he swallowed hard. He knew it would probably be better for his mental and emotional health if he didn’t but – 

He rolled his eyes. “It’s New Year’s Eve. It would be pretty damn conspicuous if I didn’t kiss you."

“Oh?” Tony teased and his eyes lit back up so suddenly that it took Bruce’s stupid breath away. “Now who’s the one talking who into shit?"

“I’m not talking you into it,” Bruce grumped, “I’m just pointing out the obvious. Don’t expect my best effort though."

“Wow, Don Juan, really looking forward to midnight now.” Tony poked him in the stomach but Bruce grabbed his wrist, turning it into a handhold effortlessly, and Tony let him.

“I didn’t make it through grad school giving my full effort to electives,” Bruce muttered and Tony laughed as they walked back out to the bar together, hand in hand.

And as Tony stood there, cracking jokes with him while they waited for a drink, Bruce decided that that’s exactly what this was. He was paying way too much attention to the extracurricular called Tony Stark and tonight needed to be the final exam. He needed to work as hard as he ever had, kiss him at midnight, and then end it once and for all.

He knew this was the most he was ever going to get from Tony – this little facade for his frenemies from high school. He’d known him for years, crushed on him for what felt like forever, held himself back from other relationships because of his intense feelings for Tony, and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Tony and it wasn’t fair to himself. This was going to be it – this _had_ to be it. He would kiss him at midnight and it would be over. He wouldn’t let himself waste any more time obsessing over a man who saw him as merely a friend. No matter how gorgeous, smart, funny, and adorable he was or how well they would work as a couple or how much he wanted to call him his boyfriend.

Bruce had to let Tony go.

“Cheers?” Tony asked as he picked up his drink from the bar.

“Cheers,” Bruce agreed as he picked up his own glass and clinked it with Tony’s.

Then as he took a sip he slid his arm around Tony's waist the way he had wanted to an untold number of times over the past two years. Tony didn’t even flinch as he led him over to where Rhodey and Pepper were talking with another couple and they introduced Bruce to them and he let his hand drop from Tony’s waist but he picked up his hand.

He picked up his hand and he let himself smile at Tony as he talked in that animated way he did, all bright eyes and one-handed gestures with his drink. He let himself smile at him the way he wanted to every time he had watched him talking like that.

And when Rhodey and Pepper made their way to the dance floor, Bruce let Tony pull him out too, his eyes alight with amusement. Bruce let himself pull Tony in close, hold him near as they danced together, holding him in his arms the way he wanted to so, so many times. Tony was so generous without even knowing it, smiling at him so that he could live in the fantasy, blushing a little as Bruce splayed his fingers against the center of his lower back and moving in even closer, resting his chin on Bruce’s shoulder.

“You said you weren’t going to give this your best effort,” Tony’s little whisper was full of amusement as Bruce scoffed.

“This is hardly my best effort,” Bruce replied with an air of indignation, listening to Tony laugh and feeling it all against his chest.

“I didn’t even know you danced,” Tony said and Bruce tried to laugh too.

“This isn’t dancing,” he answered but it wasn’t a joke – this _wasn’t_ dancing. This was holding him. This was _loving_ him... the most he would ever be allowed.

And when the countdown began they were at the bar with Tony’s friends, picking up champagne, and Tony sipped at it with an air of self-confidence that betrayed how nervous he was and Bruce wanted to laugh. Tony was _nervous_? About kissing... _him_? 

Maybe, if Bruce hadn’t been so selfish – if they hadn’t been so intimate, slow danced to more than one love song, held hands and showed off and shared intimate touches all night – maybe he would have given Tony an out. Maybe. But at this point he wanted to kiss him so bad it was all he could do to stand painful inches apart, watching the apprehension in his eyes as the people around him laughed, waiting for it.

Half of him expected Tony to bail and half of him expected Tony to treat it like some kind of personal challenge but as people began the chant at _ten_ Tony set down his flute on the bar and slid in close, grinning at him.

“Ready?” he asked.

 _Eight_.

Bruce rolled his eyes.

 _Seven_.

“People say I’m a really good kisser,” Tony teased, his eyes crinkling at the sides in that singularly adorable way Bruce both loathed and loved.

 _Four_.

“We’ll see,” Bruce murmured back, less of a joke than a promise, as he set his own flute down and moved in on _two_ , taking Tony’s face gently in both hands and completely obliterating any attempt at not trying his best.

On _one_ he leaned in and kissed him, registering the way Tony’s surprise at Bruce’s tenderness faded into complete acceptance as he closed his eyes and let Bruce kiss him. It was so, so much more than Bruce could ever have hoped for. Tony completely melted under him and despite his bravado about being a good kisser, he let Bruce control the kiss entirely.

It was gentle and sweet and it was all Bruce could do to pull out from it before he took it entirely too far. But when he tried to move away Tony’s lips parted, following his, and it was – 

Bruce should have been a stronger man, a better man – but he wasn’t. It was like something from a dream, something from his wildest fantasy. His utterly pedestrian fantasy of Tony meeting him for dinner instead of the bar after work, holding hands in the car, walking up to his apartment together, kissing on the stoop, Tony looking so handsome and dazed, just like that – longing for his kiss.

So he kissed him again, sweeping into his mouth with passion he couldn’t possibly hold back as Tony allowed him in. It was so perfect, so utterly perfect, and Bruce let himself appreciate every moment because he knew this was it – this was the most he would ever have and it was over now.

And this time when he pulled away Tony opened his eyes with a smile and he pulled away too, blushing a little.

“Wow,” Tony mumbled stupidly as he picked back up his flute like a shield. “You didn’t warn me _you_ were such a good kisser."

“I’m not going to lie, I expected a little more than for you to lay there like a dead fish after all that,” Bruce teased as he tried to get his heart to do something approximating a normal rhythm.

“Shut up!” Tony shot back, laughing and punching him in the arm and trying to lower his voice so they wouldn’t be overheard. “I was trying not to make it weird!"

“So that was weird?” Bruce asked back, his eyes probing as he Tony blushed and looked away, no smart comeback on his lips.

But Bruce let it go, let him make small talk with Rhodey for a minute, let him order another drink at the bar. And he didn’t touch him – didn’t put his arm around his waist or reach for his hand or any of that stupid little shit he had been doing. And even when they walked back to the room together Bruce had his hands shoved in his pockets, very carefully ignoring the way Tony leaned in towards him.

It was over, it was too late. If kissing him at midnight had meant anything for Tony, it didn’t matter, because it only meant one thing for Bruce.

Still... it was pretty fucking nice to fall into bed with him after the night they’d shared, even carefully cordoned off on his side of the bed with a full foot of sheets between them. It was just that, Bruce couldn’t let himself admit that much, anymore. So instead he closed his eyes and tried to ignore Tony lying there, practically naked, the feeling of his lips still lingering on Bruce’s own.

“We’re pretty good at this though, huh?” Tony asked into the silence as he stared at the ceiling with his hands folded together under his head and Bruce opened his eyes but he could hardly look at him even though he couldn’t look away. “I think we’ve got ‘em all fooled."

“I know I said I thought Rhodey would figure it out,” Bruce confessed, trying not to think about how much Bruce wanted Tony to acknowledge how good they could be at this if it were real, “but believe it or not, he felt the need to give me ‘a talk.’"

“Shit!” Tony giggled and tried to suppress it. “Rhodey kills me sometimes but he always means well. I’m sorry, though."

“It’s okay,” Bruce said, trying to smile. “I think he might be disappointed though."

“I’ll let him down easy,” Tony said, turning his head to look over at him a moment. “He knows better than to get too attached to anyone I’m dating."

Bruce forced a laugh. Yeah. If only _he_ had learned that lesson sooner.

“Good, because I think he might hire a hitman if he thinks I broke your heart."

Tony laughed as he turned his head back to the ceiling, shaking it slightly as he murmured Rhodey’s name, a grin on his lips. Bruce closed his eyes and tried not to see that grin on the back of his eyelids. It was over, it was done. When he woke up in the morning it would be a new year, he would be a new man, and he wouldn’t be pining any more for Tony Stark.

**

“Rise and shine, baby bird!"

Bruce blinked and groaned, looking up at Tony looking down at him with a big grin on his face.

“Huh...?” he mumbled stupidly, closing his eyes as Tony laughed.

“I ordered breakfast,” Tony said and Bruce heard him move away and sit down, opening his eyes again without the threat of Tony’s handsome face in his immediate field of vision. He didn’t need his resolve to let go of Tony cracking at literally the very first waking moment of January fucking first.

“Bacon?” Bruce asked as he rubbed at his face, sure he could smell it overpowering everything else and Tony made a sound of disbelief.

“Of course."

Bruce took another minute and sat up, looking at the mini buffet Tony had ordered. He had already showered though his hair was still damp and he was half-dressed in an undershirt and tux pants and Bruce very deliberately made that observation as factually as possible without a single thought to how good he may or may not have looked like that.

“The wedding is at eleven,” Tony said as he speared a pancake onto his plate. “I guess I’m supposed to be there at like nine or something? That gives me a whole twenty minutes but I’m not too worried about being late. Anyway, I thought I would order in, in case you needed some time to decompress or whatever."

Tony looked over at him and smiled and Bruce was thankful that occasionally Tony could be counted on to be thoughtful.

“Thanks,” Bruce said as he got up to use the bathroom.

He wished it was easier today than it had been yesterday but unfortunately, it wasn’t. Waking up with Tony was just as difficult as it had been the day before. A kiss at midnight on January first wasn’t some kind of magic that was going to break this stupid spell, he knew that, but he also kind of hoped maybe the symbolism of it would help. But it appeared to be one of those things that was going to be an active, conscious effort every day to let go of. Which fucking sucked. But at least he was in the frame of mind now to try to let it go.

Bruce joined Tony back at the table and slid some food on his plate though he wasn’t feeling particularly hungry. The alcohol from last night left him dehydrated and woozy and he hated that it never seemed to affect Tony at all. He hated that nothing seemed to affect Tony at all.

He sighed to himself. That wasn’t true. Plenty of shit affected Tony. He hated that _he_ seemed unable to affect Tony at all. After last night...

Let it go, he told himself bitterly as he took Tony’s coffee cup in a fit of spite. Friends. That’s it.

“Hey!” Tony protested but made no move to take the cup back so Bruce kept it as he tried to eat on autopilot.

As Tony said, the wedding was at eleven and the reception started at one – the intention being that people who traveled for a Sunday wedding could leave and get home that night. So he only had, what? Six or seven more hours of this to get through? Then they would be on the way home and he could pretend to sleep in the car and then beg off their next Friday hang-out and put some distance between him and this whole horrible weekend.

Tony finished his plate and got up to do his hair and Bruce managed to down some bacon and eggs and some of the coffee and he started to feel a little less grumpy – but only marginally. This was still stupid and he was still angry but at least Tony would be standing in the wedding and probably not sitting with him for very long either. It wasn’t like last night where he would be expected to – to kiss him. He could explain any skeptical observations to their lack of affection by saying he was hungover. Now that was some genius-level intellect at work.

“Hey,” Tony said when he came out, crossing the room to grab his white button-down, deliberately not really looking at him. “Do you want to talk about last night?"

Bruce made a sound he couldn’t even describe. There was nearly nothing he wanted to do less than that save maybe being dismembered slowly joint by joint with a dull and rusty paring knife.

“I don’t really – I don’t know,” Tony said, his voice coming off far more cavalier than his words implied. “Thanks but – we don’t have to do that again. I know that was probably awkward for you."

Bruce turned back to his plate and rolled his eyes where Tony couldn’t see. What was he supposed to say to that? Yeah, super awkward, only I would do it like every fucking night if you’d let me? 

“Okay."

He could practically feel Tony’s frustration at that one-word response. Tony liked to talk about things, liked to go around in circles until whatever he was feeling was resolved. Bruce liked to pretend he wasn’t feeling it at all until it went the hell away. Being here with Tony was absolutely counterproductive to that objective, so he sure as hell wasn’t going to do anything to encourage his own discomfort.

“What I’m trying to say is, the wedding shouldn’t be any big deal,” Tony continued and Bruce heard the clink of a belt as he forked up the last bite of eggs, feeling nauseous. “We can even bow out of the reception early, I’m sure a lot of people will be doing that. I just want you to know, you know, I appreciate you doing this for me and I’m going to try to make today easier on you."

Bruce bit his tongue so as not to laugh. Tony had no idea.

He was sure Tony was less than thrilled with his no word response too but he didn’t say anything for a minute either and when he finally was finished with whatever he was doing, he came and sat down in the seat across from him and then Bruce had nowhere to hide.

“You really are my best friend, you know,” Tony said, surprising Bruce, his words a little nervous but his eyes sincere as he stared across the small table at him. “I don’t want shit to be weird between us when we get home. I – I probably shouldn’t have asked you to come. I should have dealt with my shit myself."

Bruce sighed. Grumpy as he was, he didn’t want Tony to feel like _that_. He didn’t want him to feel alone or that he should have to be. Bruce knew enough about what that was like from his own high school experience.

“You’re really going to make me spout some shit about the meaning of friendship first thing in the morning?” Bruce asked flatly and watched as Tony’s entire body language perked up, a bright smile overcoming his face as he sat up straighter, encouraged by that response.

“It’s fine,” he continued, ignoring the thump in his chest at the change in Tony’s expression. “I knew what I was doing when I agreed."

There was a pause where Tony’s eyes searched him and the table and seemingly time and space and everything else before landing on the empty coffee mug which he picked up to make another coffee for him.

“I actually have, you know, had fun,” he said off-handedly as he set the coffee down next to Bruce’s plate and walked back behind him to get something. “I’ll be glad when the reception is over though. Yesterday was rough but –"

Bruce wasn’t really listening as he stared at the coffee, sliding it over to him and nursing it between his hands. If they were together, would Tony bring him coffee in bed? Set it on the end table and let him be? Learn to deal with his grumpy-ass self until he woke up fully and felt more human? It didn’t matter, he knew it didn’t, he didn’t know why his brain continually tormented him this way but...

Would he?

Tony cleared his throat and Bruce looked up from his reverie of tangled sheets to see him standing there in his tux with his tie done and his jacket on and the whole thing put together.

“You really aren’t a morning person, are you?” Tony asked with a laugh. “I said – how do I look?"

How did he look? Christ. Perfect? Like a waking wet dream? Like Bruce wanted to pull him tight against his body and peel him out of that suit and muss up his hair in the sheets and – how did he _look_...?

“Perfect,” Bruce said neutrally, getting enough of a smile from Tony that he was satisfied with his delivery.

“Thanks,” Tony grinned, moving to grab his wallet and phone from the side table and slip them in his jacket pocket. “I gotta go, but I’ll see you in a couple of hours?"

Bruce nodded and watched Tony go, breathing a sigh of relief when the door was shut firmly behind him. His eyes fell back to the coffee mug and for a brief second, he wanted to throw it across the room.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

**

The wedding was beautiful. Bruce hadn’t attended very many weddings, but the lodge chapel was all beautiful wood beams and hanging sashes and boughs of pine and fairy lights, the bridal party was dressed impeccably, the readings were short and sweet, and even their vows were sincere and touching.

Bruce tried to be an impartial observer but when he knew no one else his eyes inevitably wandered back to Tony standing there in his place as best man, beaming at Rhodey’s back, so pleased for his friend. It was hard not to find that endearing.

But he was left to fend for himself for a while as Tony went through wedding pictures and such and he got a drink and hung around the edge of the room, people watching. It seemed like there were a lot of people who were excited to be reunited, hugging and talking animatedly, and Bruce wondered how many of them were from Tony’s high school.

He couldn’t imagine a worse fate than being sent back to the literal hell that was his own high school – even if his peers were more mature now, it was difficult to forget the pain of being bullied and ostracized. Although acting as Tony’s fake boyfriend this weekend had managed to distract him from the point, seeing these people now, Bruce understood why Tony hadn’t wanted to walk into this alone, and he watched the door anxiously, waiting for Tony to appear.

In the end, it didn’t matter because the band formally announced the entrance of the wedding party and Bruce watched as Tony walked out, grinning and looking handsome, his eyes sweeping the room until they landed on Bruce. But he told himself it was silly to imagine Tony’s eyes lit up when he saw him, silly to think he was looking for him at all. Not like _that_ , anyway.

“You just gonna stand there on the wall, Charlie?"

“Waiting for you,” Bruce said as he stood up from against the wall, keeping his body language closed but still offering Tony a twitch of his lip, letting him know he was there.

“You wanna get some food, eat some cake, blow this popsicle stand?” Tony asked as his eyes scanned the room and they walked over towards the tables as the wait staff began pouring drinks.

“It’s what you thought then?” Bruce asked with a pointed glance across the room at what he assumed were most of Tony’s high school classmates.

Tony paused and laughed, but it was strained. “Yeah, you could say that."

He picked a seat next to another groomsman and Bruce got the distinct impression that Tony didn’t know the other people at the table either. Which was fine with him, he didn’t know anyone anyway.

Tony didn’t seem too anxious to recount any stories from his glory days and instead swapped stories about Rhodey with the groomsman next to him as they ate. Honestly, Bruce was relieved. This was a lot better than yesterday. He managed to get some distance back. Tony wasn’t hanging all over him, falling into his arms every time he opened them, spouting off about soul mates and teasing him about being a good kisser. Yesterday was just – too much. A fluke. Something special but it wasn’t real. And sitting next to Tony like this, like normal, not touching, just friends, reminded him of that. Thankfully. He needed a reminder.

“Did he _really_? Christ,” Tony laughed with the guy next to him – T’Challa? – and Bruce shifted his attention back to them. “He hasn’t changed at all! He can literally get away with anything."

“He radiates that aura of responsibility,” T’Challa agreed with a grin. “He could probably pull off a bank heist simply by saying ‘it’s not what it looks like’ when the cops show up."

“He _could_!” Tony agreed with a gasp. “I bet you can guess which one of us spent the night in jail on a drunk and disorderly and was slapped with a big ass fine for underage drinking back in undergrad."

“Tony!” Bruce exclaimed and Tony turned back to him with a smirk that gave away his embarrassment.

“He was just as drunk and disorderly as me, I’ll have you know,” Tony chuckled, “but when the cops showed up he somehow pulled off stone-cold sober, yes, sir, no, sir, nodding his head, super polite, while I giggled like a fucking idiot."

Bruce couldn’t help but grin, the scene easy to imagine, and he watched Tony’s eyes studying him shyly as if trying to verify he hadn’t lost any standing with him.

“So the talking anyone into anything bit didn’t come naturally to you, then?” Bruce teased gently and Tony rolled his eyes but his lip quirked up.

“Maybe with coeds, but not with cops,” Tony joked back. “Rhodey had to teach _me_ that one."

“I think that’s us,” T’Challa said, nudging Tony with his elbow and they looked up to see Rhodey stand to give a speech.

“I’ll be back,” Tony told him, touching his shoulder briefly as he stood. “The groomsmen decided to give a joint speech so as not to draw this thing out for an hour."

Bruce nodded and watched them leave, settling in to listen as Rhodey thanked everyone for attending and Tony stole the mic from him when he was done.

“Hi, yes,” Tony started with a laugh that was a clear tell how nervous he was standing up there but Bruce wasn’t sure other people would see it that way. “I think most of you probably know me – Tony Stark, best man, ex-boyfriend, all-around magnificent human being."

“Oh my _God_ ,” a woman at the table next to him hissed loudly across her table in a way Bruce couldn’t ignore. “I _thought_ that was Tony."

“But, for once, this isn’t about me,” Tony joked as Bruce smiled and tried to focus on him. “This is about these two love birds right here. And, I’ve gotta say, what a beautiful pair of love birds they are."

Rhodey made an unamused face as Pepper blushed and laughed and the women at the table next to him kept going, apparently thinking they were absolved in the back of the room.

“He has some nerve, after how he treated Pepper,” one muttered.

“I would never have agreed to have him in my wedding,” another replied.

“Well, Pepper’s always been too kind of her own good."

Bruce grit his teeth together and tried to focus on Tony, really he did. But it was hard when they were being such utter assholes.

“– and if it wasn’t for him, I honestly don’t think I would have made it to graduation,” Tony was saying, Rhodey grinning up at him for his anecdote. “That’s how I know, if he could spend four years with me at MIT, he’ll have no problem spending the rest of his life with someone as kind and wonderful as Pepper."

“That’s rich,” someone scoffed behind him and Bruce felt his blood pressure rise as they snickered and Tony handed the mic over to T’Challa.

“Didn’t he once stand in her driveway and yell obscenities at her window?"

“Was that before or after he drove his car into her mailbox?"

There was a smattering of muffled laughter and Bruce bit down on his tongue.

“What a mess."

“What do you think he even does now?"

“He graduated from MIT, right?"

“Thanks to James,” they tittered and Bruce had completely lost track of what T’Challa said and he’d already passed the mic on to another groomsman.

“Shame – he really had a glow up."

“I bet he’s single."

“Yeah because who would put up with that crazy?"

They whispered out laughs beneath their breath and though Bruce heard someone start to speak he had no intention of listening to any more of this bullshit. Tony might have been a lot to take but he was also genuine and kind and he had a huge heart and if he was crazy about Pepper then he was crazy about her. They didn’t know the whole story but even then, after fifteen years didn’t he deserve some forgiveness for that? He was eighteen.

“Excuse me,” Bruce finally spoke up, turning towards them and watching as the whole table of women turned to look at him, “but could you kindly shut up?"

“ _What_?” the one nearest him managed, her face betraying her total shock. He wondered how many times she’d had someone stand up to her bullshit. He guessed not many.

“Not everyone feels the way you do about Tony,” Bruce snapped back and at least one of them had the decency to look ashamed. “Obviously James and Pepper have sanctioned his presence here so the least you could do is keep your mouths shut."

“I don’t know what kind of delusion you’re living in,” the ringleader hissed under her breath as the last groomsman picked up the mic. “But you clearly don’t know what he was like."

“Look, lady,” Bruce growled, absolutely unable to believe she could sit there and defend her absurd behavior. “I don’t know who you are and frankly, I don’t care. Tony is the smartest, most compassionate man I’ve ever met. The kind of man _you_ only get to read about in magazines and romance novels. I don’t need to know what Tony was like in high school because whatever he was like then turned him into the man he is today – the man I love. So, if you don’t mind – please. Fuck off."

It wasn’t until he was done with his miniature lashing that he realized all of them were looking past him with strange expressions and he turned, following their eyes to where Tony stood, mere feet away, his face unreadable in Bruce’s moment of unadulterated righteousness. He knew in that instant that Tony had heard him and there was no defense for it. It wasn’t part of the act, it wasn’t part of their game, there was no reason to say it other than it was what it was – the pure, unfiltered truth. Bruce loved him. And no amount of midnight promises to himself was going to change that reality.

“Bruce?” he asked softly as Bruce stood, shame sweeping through him fast and hard as everyone around them clapped for the conclusion of the groomsmen’s speech and Bruce didn’t even understand what Tony was doing there but – 

But he stood and walked out of the hall without looking back.

Bruce didn’t even have a conscious idea of where he was going but he breezed through the door and stepped out onto a deck and into the hard January air. The sun was bright though and it wasn’t snowing and he didn’t really feel the cold, his insides boiling with anger and frustration. He couldn’t believe that he’d said that, right there, right in front of Tony, after all these years of keeping it locked up in the interest of maintaining the friendship Tony so clearly cherished. A friendship Bruce truly cherished too. Tony wasn’t even supposed to _be_ there. Not like that. What was he doing there? Why did he have to overhear _that_?

He listened as the bridesmaids gave a speech, hearing only the garbled mix of high pitched voices and laughter and then the band started and for a minute it was crystal clear as the door opened.

“Hey."

It was Tony’s voice and he threw a half-hearted glance over his shoulder just to sigh and look back out over the property. Snowy pines and footprints visible in packed snow, leading out to soul mates and snowball fights and Bruce felt sick.

Tony stepped up next to him but for a minute he didn’t say anything and for that minute Bruce thought hopelessly that maybe he’d misunderstood and Tony didn’t know and things could go back to normal. That they wouldn’t have to have this horrible, awkward conversation they were about to have. That Tony could just for once let it go and pretend Bruce hadn’t said anything at all.

“Their first dance is to ‘When a Man Loves a Woman,’” Tony said as he thumbed the railing of the deck and though Bruce felt like his insides were worming away from him, he couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Pretty fucking cheesy pick."

“Pepper?” Bruce asked and Tony chuckled.

“Nah, that’s Rhodey’s pick. Pepper is more of a Swiftie."

“Jesus,” Bruce muttered and Tony laughed.

This time the silence was more comfortable between them but the nervous anticipation was still there. There was no way Tony was just going to let this go. If he did, well... Bruce wouldn’t let him. It was done now. There was no going back. Maybe – maybe saying it would be good. Maybe when Tony rejected him straight to his face then he would finally, finally be able to let him go.

But when he hazarded a glance in Tony’s direction he still got that sharp stab of jealousy and desire that he always did, that pain deep in his gut that made him ache and that was impossible to ignore. It had always been impossible to ignore.

“Did you mean it?” Tony asked at last, falling completely still as he turned his head ever so slightly to look at him and Bruce looked away.

“I – I wish I could tell you it was all part of the charade,” Bruce said slowly, licking his lips and forcing himself to just get it out as he stared at his knuckles. “I wish I could, but... I can’t lie to you, Tony. I – I love you. I think I always have. Though every boyfriend I..."

He swallowed and hated himself for admitting all this but now that it was out there it was like he couldn’t get his mouth to just stop. The catharsis of being able to finally, finally say it out loud was just too much and the words kept coming despite himself.

“I would do literally anything you asked me to do,” Bruce said, “including pretend to be your date to your ex’s wedding. And I'll go back to being nothing but your friend when you ask me to, too. But I couldn’t just sit there and listen to those idiots talk about you like that and not defend you. I – you can't ask me to do that."

There was a long pause when he stopped and for a minute Bruce began to worry that Tony wasn’t going to say anything at all. But finally, he heard his name, soft and low, and he looked over, and Tony was looking at him with such a look as Bruce had never seen on his face before. So intense and yet, gentle?

Carefully, Tony leaned into his space and Bruce didn’t have the heart to fight it as Tony reached up to cradle his cheek in his hand, tilting Bruce’s face to look at him better. But Bruce closed his eyes, his heart aching for Tony’s touch as he melted into his hand, whispering out a warning.

“Don’t."

“Hey,” Tony said and his eyes cracked open to see the smile on his lips. “I love you, too."

He stood there a moment, trying to process what Tony had just said and coming up short. It was – horrible. Fantastically cruel. He knew Tony, he did, knew that if he put it out there Tony would be drawn in like a moth and Bruce would burn it all up under the intensity of his feelings and it wasn’t fair. He wanted more than that. He wanted more than kindling. He wanted forever.

“No,” Bruce shook his head sadly, grasping Tony’s forearm and making him remove the hand from his face. “You love the idea of being loved."

Tony looked stunned but then it quickly shifted to chagrin but he didn’t step any closer, though he clearly wanted to.

“Bruce,” he tried to laugh, “why do you think I wanted it to be you? The fact that we’re friends is great and all but I knew Rhodey would never see through it because I do actually _love_ you."

Bruce stared, dumbfounded, thinking back to last night, talking to Rhodey. _If you want him, you’ll have him for as long as you want..._

“I was going to _marry_ Pepper but I can’t hold down a single relationship? Why do you think that is?” Tony continued, fingers twitching, reaching out for his hand and Bruce could do nothing but stare as he took it, thumbing his knuckles. “No one holds a candle to you. The inane shit they talk about, the stupid jokes – every date I go on I wish I were at the bar with you instead."

Bruce opened his mouth to speak but he didn’t know what to say, thinking of all the times Tony laughed about a break up over a beer on Friday night, smiling at him and joking like nothing in the world was wrong. _I already have a great time with you wherever we are..._ Bruce thought that’s all it was but...?

“When you were with what’s his face it was the worst nine months of my life,” Tony confessed and Bruce’s heart ached, remembering well how he’d pushed himself through that relationship at the beginning of the year, trying to give it everything he had to get over Tony. “I was so sure you were into me, I was going to tell you, I really was, it’s just hard, you know, I hadn’t felt like that in so long, and I wanted to be sure, I didn’t want to rush into it and fuck it up and hurt you. And then you showed up talking about Justin and I thought maybe I was wrong and I –"

The groundswell building in Bruce’s gut as Tony talked overwhelmed him then and he closed the distance between them with a step, grasping the back of his head and pulling him into a passionate kiss. And unlike the night before, Tony’s mouth fell open instantly and he kissed back and oh – if Bruce had thought their New Year’s kiss was perfect, well. He didn’t even know how to categorize this.

Tony wrapped his strong arms around Bruce’s body, pulling him in tight, giving him everything he had ever dreamed of, kissing him back like nothing in the world would be able to stop him.

Nothing except Steve.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Steve said, stuttering from behind them, clearly embarrassed as they pulled away from each other at double speed. “Rhodey was worried that something happened and he –"

“We’re fine,” Tony interrupted with a huffy laugh as Bruce blushed horribly behind him.

“Yeah, I see that. I’ll just... leave you to it then."

Tony couldn’t help but laugh as he walked away and Bruce felt his own face contort into a smile that was big and awkward and very much unlike him. Tony turned back to him, his cheeks pink from more than just the cold, and he reached out for his hand, grasping it in his. Bruce thought of how easily he’d leaned into his touch all weekend, how he’d never flinched when he touched him, never made it feel like it was awkward or unexpected or too much, even when he’d pulled him to his chest possessively in front of Pepper or spooned him in bed as he cried. He thought that was just how Tony was but now he was left to wonder if that wasn’t just the biggest tell that he wanted this just as badly as Bruce did.

“Rhodey,” Tony sighed, lamenting the interruption but Bruce tried not to laugh.

“You did kind of leave the other groomsmen up there mid-speech,” he pointed out.

“I’ve _seen_ you get mad, Banner,” Tony teased. “I wasn’t about to let you turn Rhodey’s wedding into a bloodbath. This isn’t _Game of Thrones_."

Bruce laughed and tugged him forward a little, leaning into his body heat in the cold. “I wasn’t _that_ mean."

“No,” Tony agreed, sliding forward even closer until they were pressed up against each other again. “I liked hearing you compliment me, though. Smartest _and_ most compassionate?"

“Don’t let it go to your head,” Bruce shot back with a little smirk as he stared into Tony’s beautiful brown eyes. “Not like I said you were smarter than me."

Tony laughed then as he slipped his hand back behind Bruce’s neck and leaned in to kiss him. This time, with Tony initiating the kiss, it was slow and sweet and Bruce held him close to his body, feeling how solid he was, how warm. Bruce was having a difficult time not deepening the kiss, tugging Tony’s shirt from his waistband and dragging him back to the room and...

“I guess we should go back in for a little bit,” Tony said, sounding reluctant as he pulled away, but Bruce didn’t let him go very far, holding him around the waist and keeping him there.

“We don’t have to,” Bruce said and Tony’s smile was blinding.

Bruce’s heart did some dumb acrobatics routine in his chest because it was at that moment that it hit him – Tony was _happy._ Tony was happy _with him_. It was his suggestion that had Tony smiling like that. Tony wanted _to go back to the room with him_...! Fuck! This thing he had harbored in his chest for so long was suddenly exploding with new-found ways to feel about the same damn subject and he didn’t think he could feel any more strongly than he already did about Tony but fuck if he wasn’t wrong.

“I’ll have to get my jacket,” Tony said and Bruce leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss.

“Let’s take back some of that expensive cake, too,” Bruce suggested and he couldn’t help but smile when Tony was smiling at him like that.

“You really are leagues smarter than me,” Tony laughed, dragging him back into the reception hall by the hand.

No one noticed when they reappeared as the cake was being passed around and people had started mingling and dancing. Tony grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and put himself in the path of a server as they made their way to the exit to grab two plates full of cake, grinning back with his arms loaded.

“You don’t think Rhodey will be mad?” he asked as they approached the door, Bruce stepping around to hold it open for him.

“Nah,” Tony assured him as he passed. “I’m sure he owes me one. Plus, he’s never going to let me live it down when he hears this story."

**

“So have I been upgraded to required coursework then?” Tony asked as he wrapped his arms around Bruce’s neck like they belonged there and Bruce’s heart slammed in his chest.

Here, in the quiet intimacy of the room they had shared for two nights, everything seemed louder, and his hands shook as they slid around Tony’s waist, pulling him in close.

“Unfortunately I never really got the hang of treating you like an elective,” Bruce murmured as he leaned in and kissed him.

Bruce had waited so long and it still felt so unbelievable and unreal that it was difficult to restrain himself, difficult to slow down and enjoy it – though he tried. Tony was here, with him, wanting him. Smiling at him, kissing him. The most he would ever be allowed suddenly changed and he had time, now. So much time. They could take it slow.

“You’re such a jerk,” Tony sighed as he drew away a little to look at him, a lopsided smile on his face as Bruce stared back in confusion. “Telling me point blank you didn’t have a crush on me yesterday and then kissing me like _that_."

Bruce’s cheeks went hot as he leaned in and pressed his face against Tony’s, embarrassed.

“Sorry,” he mumbled against his lips and Tony kissed his bottom lip and squeezed his shoulders.

“I know it was all supposed to be fake but – I also didn’t think you were that good of an actor,” Tony chuckled and Bruce moved his face to bury it in his neck as Tony stroked soothingly at his hair. “I thought, you know, maybe I was wrong and that you did still like me and maybe we could have a shot... Then you said _that_."

Bruce didn’t know what to say. There was nothing _to_ say. In retrospect now, wrapped up in Tony’s arms, it seemed ridiculous but at the time it had hurt, everything hurt, and he was just...

“You called me your soul mate then said it was platonic,” Bruce muttered out petulantly and Tony laughed – but it wasn’t mean.

Instead, Tony’s hands shifted from around his neck, pulling back his face a little from his neck, cradling it tenderly between his palms so that he could look him in the eyes.

“How could you not know that I am madly in love with you?"

How was Bruce supposed to answer that? He just – after everything he’d been through with Tony, watching him stumble through date after date, leaving bars with other people, constantly watching him look anywhere else – he could never let himself believe...

“It seemed like you had eyes for everyone but me,” Bruce admitted quietly and dropped his eyes so he didn’t have to see Tony’s face.

“Oh, baby,” Tony said softly, like his heart was breaking, not mocking or laughing or any of the things Bruce had feared, just brushing his thumb across his cheek and leaning in close, trying to get Bruce to look him in the eye again. “The only thing I see is you."

Tony’s deep brown eyes were so serious as he met his and he held his gaze a moment, impressing upon him how serious he was before kissing him again. And this time, the kiss was searing. It shot straight through Bruce, tearing him apart, leaving him breathless and needy and trembling until they were grasping frantically at each other’s clothes, undoing buttons and belts, not wanting to separate for a second.

When their pants hit the floor Bruce’s hands slipped down to Tony’s thighs, pulling his knees up around his own waist and Tony laughed as he wrapped his arms around his neck so Bruce could take the few steps it took to lay him down in bed. No one had ever accused Bruce of being sexy or debonaire but when Tony was laying in that soft duvet, looking up at him with his big eyes and a soft smile on his face, for one moment Bruce felt like maybe... maybe Tony thought he was.

Tony stripped off his undershirt and climbed up the bed and Bruce followed, grinning as he caught him around the waist and drug him down into the fluffy pillows, sinking in and kissing him senseless as Tony tugged at his own undershirt. Bruce laughed as he pulled it off, feeling a certain amount of self-consciousness but then Tony was straddling him with the biggest grin on his face like he had never seen a more handsome man, his hands on his chest as he leaned forward and kissed his shoulders and his neck and his collarbone lovingly.

“How do you want me?” he whispered against his neck and Bruce shivered.

“I...” Bruce didn’t even know how to answer as he wrapped his arms around Tony’s body, holding him close.

“What do you like?” Tony encouraged gently at the crook of his jaw as he tugged down on his briefs. “Let me give it to you."

“I – I waited two years just for this,” Bruce admitted breathily as he ran a hand through Tony’s hair.

Tony’s mouth slackened and he pushed up on his forearms, looking down at him with wide eyes.

“Two _years_?” he asked and Bruce tried not to blush again.

“Maybe more?” he winced, touching Tony’s face with hesitant fingers, thinking how this still seemed too unbelievable to be true. “Ever since you turned down that NSA job."

“The NSA... fuck. Bruce!” Tony laughed, his face scrunching up in confusion. “Since when does turning down an offer for my dream job working on secret government projects warrant falling in love? Seems like kind of the opposite, if you ask me. I should’ve taken that job. I was an idiot."

“I mean, it was more than that, it...” Bruce slipped his hands down to Tony’s hips and then looked up at him, Tony’s eyes focused on him with pinpoint precision. “I went to talk to your afterschool program around then too and seeing how you interacted with those kids? And how much they looked up to you?"

It was hard because it was so vulnerable to talk about his emotions like this but Tony looked so shocked, so unsure that Bruce tried not to break eye contact as he said it. He wanted Tony to know – he wasn’t an idiot. He was so fucking far from an idiot.

“I know you turned that job down so you could keep working with those kids and I realized then that you weren’t just some handsome, egotistical, shallow kind of guy who was fun to hang out with and might be fun to sleep with one day,” Bruce said and he could tell Tony was holding his breath. “You’re just – you’re so much more than that."

Tony’s face twisted and for a moment Bruce was afraid he might cry but he just leaned down and kissed him hard on the mouth for a minute before pushing back up to look at him again.

“Your lecture,” Tony said breathlessly as he resettled himself on his arms. “That extracurricular one you gave? On subatomic particles and the space between atoms? You’re really unassuming, you know. I mean, I knew you were smart but..."

Tony laughed and now Bruce felt like he was the one who couldn’t breathe. That lecture was at the end of the fall quarter last year, right after Thanksgiving break. Only a few weeks before he’d started dating Justin, desperate to get Tony off his mind after giving up all hope that Tony would ever love him back.

“You talked about shit over my head for an entire hour and made it accessible to a bunch of college kids. Do you know how difficult that is?” Tony paused, trying to impress that upon him, how amazed he was with him. “I’m so used to everything being a pissing match every step of the goddamn way and there you are. You’ve never made it about that with us. I would’ve blown you right there at that lectern."

“ _Tony_ ,” Bruce breathed and it hurt deep in his chest. He’d wasted so much fucking _time_...

“Gonna get the chance now though,” Tony smirked as he leaned down to kiss him again.

And he did.

They tumbled in the sheets, touching and kissing, Bruce’s hands desperate to memorize every inch of Tony’s skin until they were both slicked in sweat. By the time Tony’s mouth enveloped him, Bruce was moaning his name like a mantra.

Bruce could have existed like that forever, lost in Tony and how good he made him feel. He could only hope he made Tony feel the same way. But the way Tony gasped his name and twisted his fingers in his hair made Bruce feel pretty damn optimistic about it.

When they were finally sated and exhausted Bruce lay his head on Tony’s chest, pressed up against his neck, running his fingers across his flat stomach and feeling the way it fluttered under his touch. Tony ran his hands through Bruce’s damp hair, pulling at it a little and kissing his forehead.

“There’s only one thing that could make this more perfect,” Tony sighed and Bruce felt a smile tug at his lips.

“What’s that?” Bruce asked, ready to give him anything he named.

“Some wedding cake."

Bruce laughed and Tony did too, shifting so that he could lay beside him in bed, petting back his hair and grinning at him like crazy as Bruce rested a hand on his waist.

“Lucky for you, I think I can manage that,” Bruce teased as he leaned in and kissed him a little.

“Hey,” Tony said after a moment, his fingers stroking Bruce’s neck gently and looking shy. “You didn’t bring any lube, did you?"

“I was actively trying _not_ to imagine fucking you when I packed,” Bruce laughed as Tony smiled at him guiltily. “Which, by the way, you helped not at all prancing around here in boxers."

“A-ha! So I _did_ get the reaction I wanted, then?” Tony teased, tracing his lips lightly with his fingers as Bruce glared affectionately through half-lidded eyes.

“That was less than fair."

“I wasn’t trying to be _fair_ ,” Tony laughed, pressing his lips against Bruce’s delicately. “I was trying to get in your pants."

“I guess you succeeded,” Bruce replied with a laugh, not mad at all.

“I mean yeah but I didn’t think it would actually work – and it didn’t, not really, not like that,” Tony replied as he pulled away, running a thumb across Bruce’s cheek and studying his face with a smirk. “But I was thinking, you know, since we technically have this room until tomorrow morning, if you have off for the holiday anyway and I just made up contract hours next weekend then maybe..."

Bruce couldn’t help the grin that broke over his face as he slid his cheek across Tony’s, brushing his lips against Tony’s ear as his hand slipped between Tony’s legs, listening to him gasp against the tenderness as he whispered, “Don’t worry, I’ve got _years_ worth of fantasies about what I can do to you in the next twenty-four hours and that don’t require lube."


End file.
